The terrorists want to be like Mike

In their never ending quest to turn what makes us great against us, the terrorists have resorted to using that most American of thirst quenchers, the sports drink, in their latest barbarous plot.

Thankfully, their plan was foiled by our British allies in the War on Terror.

Only Robert Oppenheimer has known the sinking sensation Gatorade inventor Dr. Robert Cade feels today, as he learns the non-carbonated beverage he brought into the world could have killed so many.

It has been reported the despair of current Gatorade pitchman Keith Jackson is cataclysmic.

All Americans should be asking the President and his Congress to detail the steps they had been taking to secure the Gatorade Sports Science Institute.

Sure, they will say they are making moves to protect the facility now.

But one step behind isn't good enough it these precarious times.