It doesn't always work out like it does in the movies

My theory on Fred Thompson's presidential run is someone wrote a screenplay about a lazy but clever fun-lovin', beer-drinkin', red pickup truck drivin', duck-huntin' Southerner who, through a series of hilarious flukes, aw-shuckses his way to the presidency. Once in office, he turns the White House lawn into a NASCAR track, roasts wild boars in the Lincoln Bedroom and commissions the surviving members of Lynyrd Skynyrd to rewrite the national anthem.

But when international crisis strikes, President Billy Ray pulls himself from the plastic swimming pool he has passed out in and defuses the situation like he is the second coming of George Washington. Then all the world leaders have a big drunken party at Camp David, and the stuffy chick Prime Minister of England says something naughty. Box office gold, right?

Anyway the script was supposed to be sent to Larry The Cable Guy, but instead it ended up with Fred Thompson's agent. One thing led to another and they decided to act it out for real.

So far, not so good. Fred Thompson looks too old and anemic to play the part of the good times rebel philosopher and, while he has the lazy part down, it turns out he isn't all that clever when it's not a closed set on the third take.

Still Thompson has enough experience with big-budget projects to spot a bust. Which is why, when Fox News political reporter Carl Cameron told his studio to hurry up because "the next president of the United States has a schedule to keep", Thompson deadpanned, "and so do I."

While the exchange was off-camera, it was still the best quip so far from what had promised to be a well-written campaign. Which means we should expect to see variations of this I-know-I-can't-win tact in Thompson's coming public appearances.

The reason the quip was funny is because it is true. Yet truth hasn't stopped the Chris Dodds and Duncan Hunters of the world from staring at the American public and starting sentences with the tired old "when I'm president" tripe.

It's cute when eight year olds pretend they will one day be president. Not so much when grown men with decades of political experience make believe. If Fred Thompson can finally make it safe for no-shot candidates to admit they have no shot -- and have a good laugh about it -- that script mix up at the talent agency will have been good for something after all.

Fred Thompson smeared

This screaming full page headline currently on the left-leaning political website Huffingtonpost.com is why all decent Americans should be disgusted with how the media -- especially the Internet-based "new" media -- covers politics.

Choosing sensationalism over common sense, the Huffington Post has not-so subtly branded actor/politician Fred Thompson as a racist for skipping out on next week's Republican debate at predominately black Morgan State University.

What this smarmy headline neglects to mention is Morgan State is located in Baltimore, Maryland -- a good hour drive from Thompson's home in Northern Virginia. And that's not even taking into account the devastating traffic that the Baltimore/Washington area is famous for.

Accusing a prominent figure of racism to score political points and increase website traffic is the cheap easy path that, these days, is all too often being chosen. Real journalistic courage is addressing the problems that arise when a well-rounded family man of immense charm attempts to juggle running for president and maintaining the domestic normalcy he shares with his young wife and young children.

Fred Dalton Thompson has absolutely nothing against debating in front of black voters. In fact, he would be more than happy to invite Morgan State University, the Congressional Black Caucus, Oprah Winfrey, Kunta Kinte and the whole bunch of them to a special debate that would take place in the actor/politician's very own McClean, Virginia living room.

Really he would, it's just with the football seasons getting underway and how things are starting to heat up on Two and a Half Men. . .

Idle threat of the week

Last week former Tennessee Senator, fictional New York District Attorney and shadow presidential candidate Fred Thompson took some time out of a busy schedule of eating three meals a day and sometimes hitting the treadmill to get his spokesmen to announce that this week Thompson would finally be officially throwing his hat in the primary ring.

The smart money had been on Thompson declaring his long awaited candidacy from his bed, but we now get word he will do so from the couch of Jay Leno's late night talk show. Needless to say, Jay has offered Thompson the first segment and a fast plane back to Memphis-I mean McLean, Virginia.

Despite so far running a non-campaign with all the turmoil and missed financial expectations of a real campaign (but with little of the style-crimping hustling about the country), Thompson has remained strong in the polls, and sits second in many national counts of Republican support.

This can be attributed to GOP voter's apprehension concerning the conservative bona fides of the current declared front runners, and that Fred Thompson, like the sainted Ronald Reagan, happens to be an actor/politician.

Rationale that will surely wear thin when conservative voters find Thompson's moderate right wing political philosophy is strikingly similar to that of the other favorites.

As for the actor thing . . . Ronald Reagan was a leading man selected by Hollywood's bottom line oriented studio system because he projected himself as an all-American winner. While Reagan was never thought to be a particularly great actor who made particularly good films (although 1938's Girls on Probation did lead to the much racier classic Girls in Prison) he did have a fifteen year career of consistent above-the-title work. On the other hand Fred Thompson, who is well respected as a character actor, got into the business because casting directors recognized Thompson's ability to channel onto the screen his real life experiences as a good-old-boy political fixer and insider.

A far cry from Reagan, who built his national political image on being the ultimate Washington outsider.

You never want to bet against a man who has overcome a sedentary lifestyle to make a name for himself in not one but two hyper-competitive fields, but we have to award Fred Thompson's presidential bid the Idle Threat of the Week for August 27th to September 2nd because, given all the poll-boosting attention it has received, it is just so ridiculous.

And since Thompson has stretched his announcement -- which is the only thing his non-campaign has been about so far -- over a two week period, we reserve the right to do so again next week.