Next they will attack the "beer before liquor" riddle

What you are looking at over on the right is an honest-to-goodness mathematical explanation of the phenomena popularly known as having "beer goggles."

Researchers in England have concluded it isn't just how much you drink that makes less-than stellar looking members of the opposite sex appear to be smoking hot. Other factors include your vision, how well-lit and smokey the room is, and how far away you are from the potential object of your attraction.

If B equals over 50, a woman you would not normally think is attractive learns that you are a Formula One race car driver.

I'm not so good at math, and had to convert out of that smug metric system some lesser societies insist on using, but I did plug in some numbers and it turns out if you have had more than 14 drinks, suffer from poor vision and are in a dark and smokey club, a bar stool will look like a supermodel at six feet's distance.

A more mean-spirited soulless blogger would have just dropped a Janet Reno or a Kelly Osbourne or a Kathy Bates. Not me. Anyway bar stools have a nice shape to them.

Full disclosure: The research was sponsored by Bausch & Lomb, an eye care company. Raising all sorts of conflicts of interest.