Hill + Lilo + Iraq = spring break

As she navigates the murky sea of celebrity, Lindsay Lohan has a tendency to hitch her craft to older women who have already been back and forth a few times.

First it was Kate Moss. Cocaine Kate taught Lindsay how to cause a scene at the local strip club, and which bathrooms were best for their favorite late night inhalant. Her next BFF was Madonna, who introduced Lindsey to the magical mysticism of Kabbalah.

With her social and spirtual life taken care of, Lohan is now free to inject her own opinion into the Hollywood debate over whether she is a talented young actress or a movie wrecking "spoiled child."

That in mind, Lohan has wisely proposed to Hillary Clinton a trip to Iraq together. This will give the headline grabbers time to bond and allow Lindsey to learn from Hillary the art of triangulation.

Hillary has been going through a transformation of her own. No longer a wonkish shrew in sensible shoes, the junior senator from New York has taken to engaging in all-night vodka drinking contests with former hard-partying fly-boy John McCain.

Whether this change in behavior is a result of husband Bill's continued "friendship" with a blonde-haired Canadian heiress/politician, or just how Hillary's been dealing with will-she-or-won't-she anxiety, there is no doubt Hillary is a woman ripe for getting her groove back.

What better way than a trip with Lilo to sunny Iraq? Sure there is the outside chance of losing a foot or an eye, but the two New York luminaries will also be surrounded by hoards of adoring soldiers, who typically see nothing but sand and veiled women.

The questions is, after she is done with Hillary, where will Lohan turn next?

It's too bad Mother Theresa is no longer available.

I wanna be wanna be wanna be Jim Morrison

I am loathe to admit any nation is superior to ours in any way, and I hate to bring this up during the week of our declaration of independence from the crown 230 years ago, but there are a couple things the British do really well.

For starters, the whole music thing. Rock and roll came from America, but the British quickly surpassed us and forty years later they still dominate -- kind of like the Japanese with the computers, only the Brits never bubbled out and stopped practicing their chords because they'd rather spend their time on the subway groping school girls.

I'm also beginning to realize the British are much better than us at the celebrity gossip. This is not a big surprise, since the British were having sex scandals when we were still airbrushing belly buttons from department store catalogs (and now we gaze at and contemplate the navel, ha-ha-ha.)

This is not intended to be a knock against our current celebrities, who do crazy things like marry each other and have babies -- sometimes in far away lands, to keep the masses entertained.

Not to mention Lindsay Lohan's fascinating breasts (big again!) The Hohan's cup size fluctuates, if by will-power, for no other reason than to distract the guy or gal in the supermarket checkout line, or surfing the web, from the painful minutiae of a life destined to be boring, predictable and long.

It's just the British celebrities try even harder. I bring to you the curious case of one Peter Doherty. I'm sure the British are sick of him by now, but most American's have never even heard of Pete Doherty even though he is a talented singer* and a practitioner of antics that would make even our most attention-starved celebrity blush. Here are a few of my favorites;

* In 2003, when his band the The Libertines were being touted as the "Next Great British Band," Doherty was arrested for burgling the flat of bandmate and song writing partner Carl Barat. Doherty was sentenced to six months in jail. To put this in perspective this would not be unlike Keif going to jail for robbing Mick, or John for robbing Paul, in the mid-sixties. The band reunited after he served his time.

*Earlier this year, Doherty was videotaped injecting an unconscious young woman with a syringe. Given Doherty's inclination towards drugs and reckless behavior the worst was feared. Yet, Doherty was able to clear his name with the strangely effective alibi that he was collecting paint for his "blood painting" hobby.

*Most recently he was caught shooting up in a airplane bathroom. He was not prosecuted, but has been banned from all Easy Jet flights.

He also has a long list of the behavior typical to an oft-inebriated celebrity -- each a little gift to an empire long in decline. Doherty is also the on-and-off paramour of waif-like super-model Kate Moss, and I thought her own recent, highly publicized drug controversy (in Italian) would finally thrust bad-influence Pete to his proper spot in The American Gossip Pantheon.

It was not to be.

Luckily, due to the power of the internet, I can follow Doherty on sites like these.

I recommend you do the same.

*Hear Pete sing with the Libertines and Babyshambles (NSFWish.) Plus, a bonus video from the post's title!