Barack out gaffes W by 9788

On Monday President Bush suggested Queen Elizabeth II had visited the United States back in 1776. He meant 1976 and quickly caught himself but ridicule, especially of the British tabloid variety, followed.

While the president briefly gave the queen an age not seen since the time of Methuselah, one of the men who would like to replace Bush in 2009 also reverted to biblical largesse yesterday, claiming the recent tornadoes in Kansas had killed "10,000."

The death toll was actually 12 and when Barack Obama realized, minutes later, what he had done he attributed his gaffe to being "tired."

The best part of Barack's exaggeration (video) is the two guys on the stage behind him who continue with their approving nods even after Obama drops the ridiculous number. As a stump speaker, you can't buy help like that.

Rob Lowe: Not the biggest freak in Atlanta circa '88

All of our Joe Biden prayers were answered today as the greatest thing to happen to Delaware politics since its storied Constitution ratifying days has thrown his hat into the race for the White House.

Biden came out swinging with targets ranging from President Bush to the other Democrats in the primary field. He also, of course, said something weird and creepy. Speaking about Barack Obama, Biden opined:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

Some have taken this as an unfair back-handed slap at the multi-racial dynamo. Maybe, but Biden is only describing, in his typically blunt terms, the phenomena that has led a popular on-line magazine to begin a feature called The Obama Messiah Watch, which contemplates the latest journalistic evidence Obama might be the son of God.

Still, what's with the clean?

Now if he was associating bright and clean, Biden's quote could be construed as a legitimate, albeit somewhat gratuitous, shot at the sloppy ethical dealings of past black presidential candidates. (And I'm not talking Alan Keyes -- no one would ever let Keyes anywhere near dealings.)

But if he was associating good looking and clean, you've just learned more than you ever wanted to know about Jesse Jackson.

The uneducated take John Kerry to joke school

One could argue having a sense of humor is a good indicator of intelligence. It might even suggest a higher level of education...

Well, it's doubtful any of these soldiers graduated Yale, but they were able to turn this joke around pretty quickly. Especially for being in the middle of a violent war zone and not having help from a speechwriter.

I actually feel bad for John Kerry. If you spend your whole life speaking in front of crowds with the camera on, the best of us are going to eventually say something really inopportune -- botched joke or otherwise. When you're in politics you can only hope the gaffe won't involve insulting the troops or saying something with racial implications (Trent Lott comes to mind.)

So I'm not here to bury Kerry, but to praise the soldiers in that photo. Good joke, fellas. Now each and every one of you has brighter future in national politics than John Kerry does.

The ballad of Conrad Burns

Finding himself in a surprisingly tight race for re-election, due to his well-documented ties to a disgraced former lobbyist and his well-publicized struggles with on-the-job narcolepsy, Montana Senator Conrad Burns is fighting back with a barrage of bizarre behavior and inflammatory statements.

This type of extreme electioneering is unusual in American politics, but is not without precedent. Only two years ago another incumbent Republican Senator, Jim Bunning of Kentucky, rode a similar technique to victory. Although, it should be noted, the Hall-of-Fame right hander started out with a huge lead and was probably suffering from dementia.

While the casual observer might fall into the trap of thinking Burns has also lost his mind, a more careful analysis reveals hints of a strategy.

Burns kicked things off earlier in the summer when he accosted a group of tired out-of-state firefighters in a Billings airport and publicly admonished them for doing a poor job on the brush fires they had flown to Montana to help fight.

I like what Burns was trying to do here. Since 9/11 the glorification of the firefighter has been out of control. Especially when it's obvious firefighters are just a bunch of reckless pyromaniacs, extremely lucky that their psychosis can be channeled into something useful to society. The firefighter should be thanking us everyday for the accidental fires we set -- which keep them out of the looney bin.

Unfortunately -- and maybe it's because we are so close to the five year anniversary of 9/11 -- the voters of Montana weren't ready to accept this reality. The former cattle auctioneer's poll numbers dipped.

He followed that up with a story about "a nice little Guatemalan man" who paints his house. Burns became worried the man was in this country illegally and demanded to see his papers. Again, Burns is on to something. In this country we are too quick to blame the illegal immigrant for wanting to a better life. Shouldn't it be the responsibility of the employer to follow the law of the land.

This time Burns's important message was lost in the words that he chose. Three terms in the melting pot of Washington DC had tricked Burns into thinking his constituents back home would know what a Guatemalan is. When, in fact, to a Montanan "Guatemalan"sounds like a Maccaca-like slur against Hispanics or a dish you get at Houston's.

This plays right into Burns's repetition as either a racist or someone so senile he would confuse a day-laborer with an appetizer. Again, the poll numbers slide.

But I really think his campaign hit its stride last week when he said the terrorists drive taxi cabs by day and commit acts of terror by night. I might not be a Montana voter, but I have been looking for ways to aid our war on terror for years. Since I often ride in taxi cabs at night I now know that by keeping the terrorists on the street I have probably prevented numerous acts of death and destruction. This realization gave me an incredible sense of self-worth as well as new-found good-will towards the man who showed me the light.

Will Montana voters feel the same way? While some would argue only a very confused terrorist would target The Big Sky state, Montana has been a consistent recipient of 9/11 and anti-terror money, thus it behooves the state's residences to pretend this is viable scenario.

By empowering the citizens of Montana to help fight an imaginary war on terror, simply by calling and hailing cabs at night, Burns may have stumbled upon a winning issue. We don't have any poll numbers since his revelation, but expect good news for the Burns camp and six more restful years as a United States Senator for Conrad Burns.

Joe Biden continues to dazzle and amaze

More than any other politician out there Joe Biden has defined his career by a willingness to go on television and speak at length about anything. Despite this -- and over thirty years in the Senate -- Biden continues to be "gaffe prone" when it comes to talking in the presence of a blinking red light.

Sometimes Biden's gaffes are long-winded and plagiarized. For the purpose of a blog in a low-attention span world those gaffes are no fun. Other times his gaffes are short, punchy and to the point. The kind of gaffes we appreciate over here at jsb.

Appearing yesterday on one of the Sunday morning gab-feasts he loves so, Biden unleashed the good kind of gaffe when, in response to the moderator's question about his prospects of winning a Democratic primary in South Carolina, Biden reminded the world that "my state was a slave state."

Factually correct -- Delaware was a slave-holding border state during the Civil War -- but what made his comment so jarring and unusual was the pride he affixed to this declaration of past Delaware oppression. The kind of pride usually reserved for a grandparent listing the accomplishments of a grandchild.

While Biden has often been accused of not thinking before he speaks, when we go to the videotape it is clear he did pause and think for a moment before answering the question.

If one were to apply the "Macaca" standard of deconstruction to what Biden said one might come away thinking this was a naked ploy to attract the votes of Southern whites by assuring them that a Delawarean knows how to keep the black man in his place.

But, because it was Biden speaking, I am inclined to think it is just another case of him knowing not what he says. Luckily for Biden, I won't be the only one inclined to think that way.

Indians befuddle presidential hopefuls

First Delaware Senator Joe Biden was caught on tape stumbling through a stereotype-laden, but well-intentioned, conversation with an Indian-American donor. Now Virginia Senator George Allen has hit a snag at the intersection of Indian and videotape.

During a listening stop in support of his re-election bid, Allen twice referred to SR Sidarth, a Jim Webb campaign worker assigned to follow Allen and film* his every word, as "Macaca."

"Macaca" doesn't mean anything in English, but it sounds a lot like a French slur against people from North Africa. Since Allen's mother is French-speaking, some have interpreted Allen's word choice as a deliberate, if geographically incorrect, attack on Sidarth's Indian background.

Allen's campaign claims Allen was actually referring to Sidarth as "Mohawk." Only Sidarth doesn't have a mohawk, raising the possibilities Allen doesn't know the difference between Indians and Native Americans -- and has a serious speech impediment.

The fact Allen was clearly aware he was being taped might be his best defense against full-on intended racism, but no matter what you believe his intention, the incident makes a politician already suspected of racial intolerance look the part.

It has become increasingly clear, when confronted with persons of Indian descent, the mainstream American politician will become flustered and say weird and potentially embarrassing things.

If I was running for office I would employ a whole bunch of Indians, give them video cameras, and send them at my opponent in waves.

The day that strategy stops working is the day our nation has finally grown to properly identify all of its citizens by their ethnic background.

*The youtube clip refers to Sidarth as an Arab American. This is contrary to the press reports that list him as of "Indian descent." It looks like it isn't just the politicians who get confused.

The congressman from Florida loses his mind

I'm not here to say mixing cocaine and prostitutes wouldn't be fun.

Of course, Florida Congressman Robert Wexler wasn't being serious when he readily suggested it would.

But why? Why? WHY would you say that on national television? Even if you are clearly kidding and it is probably true.

It happened yesterday and it is already all over the internet. Wexler is going to be known, for the rest of his life, as the congressman who said he cocaine and prostitutes equal fun.

If you watch the whole clip, Wexler is clever and in control of Stephen Colbert until the subjects of drugs and hookers come up and the fake journalist smacks away the Congressman's better sense.

Sure, Wexler's closing volley of jokes were funny and he was being a good sport, but it might be a good idea for an elected official to maintain a small semblance of decorum.

Even on a fake news show.

If Joe Biden was a reality television show, viewers would develop cringe lines on their faces

The Senator from Delaware is getting crap all over the internet, and from all sides, for what seems to me to be some completely harmless and tradition-steeped ethnic pandering.

Is nothing sacred?

Sure, it was awkward, but Joe Biden reading his grocery list would be awkward.

Anyway, I think he meant "you can not work at (not go to) a 7/11 or Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent."

Unless, of course, the "Indians from India" really are taking over our first state, and forcibly denying the palefaces their coffee and donuts. (A development Tom Friedman will surely take credit for anticipating.)

If so, I will sleep easier knowing Senator Biden is on the case.