Two Coreys are better than one

It was by cosmic fluke that two of the most promising teenage actors of the mid 80's happened to both be named Corey. When the chemistry of the Coreys -- Feldman and Haim -- sparkled, after their inevitable pairing in 1987's The Lost Boys, Hollywood smelled a gold mind.

The duo followed up that vampire hit with above the title turns in License to Drive and Dream a Little Dream. While these films didn't quite break the bank, the Coreys' perfect hair, perfectly rolled jeans and perfectly snide comebacks made them legends. Although they barely stood ten feet between them, The Coreys became aspirational giants to a generation weaned on the slick materialism that was the Reagan era.

But their success hid great pain. Before the days of Perez Hilton and TMZ.com, our young stars were forced to suffer through their depressions and addictions alone. We were surprised when the Coreys, once so fill of promise, fizzled in the 90's as direct-to-video burnouts. Maybe we shouldn't have been. But, even through the bad times, the Coreys stuck together. No longer bound by just the happenstance of their name, but also both burned by fame, that cruelest of mistresses.

The dawn of the second millennium found Corey Haim -- literally rendered incoherent from years of drug abuse -- the subject of a heartbreaking E! True Hollywood Story. Feldman got his basic cable salvation as a self-obsessed, prima donna on VH1's The Surreal Life. Their reality TV pairing was, again, inevitable.

Did anybody even watch the scripted reality show The Two Coreys? It doesn't matter. I think I speak for many when I say the mere knowledge that The Coreys were back together -- bouncing lines off each other, making their art -- warmed my callous heart.

Which is why today's news is so tragic: The Corey's are no longer speaking. Not only has their reality show been put on ice, but they will not appear together in the long awaited Lost Boys sequel.

Feldman cites Haim's "issues" as the impetus for their break up.

Will the Coreys get back together? Inevitably. We will care? Slightly. We will ever see another duo of namesakes so star-crossed and intertwined? The answer to that question lies deep in the cosmos.

This is what became of my afternoon

The only kind of person who isn't interested in which celebrities are having sex with which other celebrities is the kind of person the ancient Greeks used to call a big fat liar.

That in mind, do I have a website for all of you: It's called whosdatedwho.com, and it contains the most comprehensive list of celebrity hook ups I have ever laid eyes upon. Not only that, but it is chock full of biographical information and photos (not of the actual sex, mind you.) It even draws a useful, well marked distinction between "relationships" and "encounters."

Nobody will be surprised to learn handsome mega-movie stars such as Warren Beatty, George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio have spent quality time with many, many a woman that the masses have lusted hopelessly over. Nor should anybody be bothered by that. Although the number of Beatty's partners who are now deceased is a bit creepy.

On the other hand, everybody should be shocked and disturbed to learn that, these days, the path to fame for a young starlet runs through Wilmer Valderrama. You know, the guy who played the awkward foreign exchange student on the sort-of television hit That 70's Show, and now hosts a reality game show of competitive put downs called Yo Momma.

I'd say the most impressive thing I've come across during this lost afternoon is the entry for Winona Ryder. For starters, Ryder has been with most of the available leading men of the last couple generations, and has gone through the worlds of indie rock and alt-county like a reviewer for Pitchfork Media.

But it is the little details that set Winona apart. Like how she has been linked to Dodi Fayed, aka Princess Di's final date, and Corey Haim, of notorious Two Coreys' fame. The 35-year old actress has even got down with an honest to goodness member of the sixties' TV band The Monkees!

Again it is whosdatedwho.com, and I challenge anyone to find a better random trifecta than Winona's above. Although, I must add, I cannot verify the accuracy of any of the information contained on the site and, consequently, this post.