Regrettably, "providing sports car owners with the authority to make tactical and operational decisions concerning the pimping of their vehicle" was not among the 18 benchmarks congress set last year to measure Iraq's security, economic and political progress. Further proof of how out of touch our government is when it comes to the needs and desires of the Iraqi people.
Yesterday was the fifth year anniversary of the Iraq war. It was also the 1428th anniversary of the birth of famous religious figure Muhammad. To celebrate the occasion, the unconfirmed voice of Osama Bin Laden issued threats via an audio tape released on the Internet.
So did the terror mastermind use this coincidence to exploit Muslim anger concerning America's continued presence in Mesopotamia? Oddly, no. Instead he talked about cartoons and threatened the European Union and the Pope because some obscure drawings had offended his delicate sensibilities.
There was a lot of talk state side about how the Iraq war has fallen off the American public's radar screen. But we have an excuse. Everybody knows Americans have no collective attention span. Plus we have an exciting presidential race to follow, a volatile economy to worry about, and NCAA tournament brackets to fill out before noon. All the unconfirmed voice of Bin Laden has to do is live in a cave, harbor centuries long grudges, and make the occasional audio tape. Yet even he has no time for the conflict in Iraq.
If it makes the Iraq war feel any better, I think people are starting to lose interest in Britney too.
As she navigates the murky sea of celebrity, Lindsay Lohan has a tendency to hitch her craft to older women who have already been back and forth a few times.
First it was Kate Moss. Cocaine Kate taught Lindsay how to cause a scene at the local strip club, and which bathrooms were best for their favorite late night inhalant. Her next BFF was Madonna, who introduced Lindsey to the magical mysticism of Kabbalah.
With her social and spirtual life taken care of, Lohan is now free to inject her own opinion into the Hollywood debate over whether she is a talented young actress or a movie wrecking "spoiled child."
That in mind, Lohan has wisely proposed to Hillary Clinton a trip to Iraq together. This will give the headline grabbers time to bond and allow Lindsey to learn from Hillary the art of triangulation.
Hillary has been going through a transformation of her own. No longer a wonkish shrew in sensible shoes, the junior senator from New York has taken to engaging in all-night vodka drinking contests with former hard-partying fly-boy John McCain.
Whether this change in behavior is a result of husband Bill's continued "friendship" with a blonde-haired Canadian heiress/politician, or just how Hillary's been dealing with will-she-or-won't-she anxiety, there is no doubt Hillary is a woman ripe for getting her groove back.
What better way than a trip with Lilo to sunny Iraq? Sure there is the outside chance of losing a foot or an eye, but the two New York luminaries will also be surrounded by hoards of adoring soldiers, who typically see nothing but sand and veiled women.
The questions is, after she is done with Hillary, where will Lohan turn next?
It's too bad Mother Theresa is no longer available.
