What they do to get cell phone reception in Missouri

I've been having a lot of fun at the expense of "idle threats"over here at jsb. But I would be remiss if I didn't point out there is a dark side to the baseless declaration.

In Independence, Missouri a man named Marlon Brando Gill is being tried for forcing his girlfriend's cell phone down her throat during a drunken argument.

With a name like Marlon Brando, you'd think he'd be the one who ate the phone. Which is exactly what he accused her of doing, to prevent him from seeing who she had been calling

This is how I imagine it went down:

"If you don't give me that damn phone I'm going to shove it down your throat."

"If you take a step closer, I'm going to swallow it myself."

What happened next is up to the jury to decide. But the fact remains when the authorities found the hopelessly inebriated girlfriend a cell phone was logged in her esophagus.

So it's plain to see, while idle threats are usually fun, they can occasionally go horribly wrong.

That in mind, it is usually a bad idea to exchange idle threats with a close relation, and never a good idea to mix an idle threat with alcohol.

Taste better than chicken

It's pretty well established most good jobs in this country go to illegal Mexican immigrants.

Who, after that summer internship in the orange grove, didn't think "gosh, if only I could make this my career."

At the same time we are all immigrants.

Besides the Indians. And even they had a shady land bridge thing going on.

So we can't begrudge the Mexican for wanting to come to our great land and make a better life for himself and his family of five living in a sprawling split level on the outskirts of Mexico City.

The day we shut our borders to immigrants is the day we squash the genesis of the American dream.

I completely bought that crap. Until a couple hours ago. Until I read this, from an article in the Phoenix New Times:

"There many Mexcan immigrant need money," confides Yamamoto during my inspection of his Anthem residence. "Sometime they sell me kidney, arm or leg, or just slice of liver. Very, very expenseeve. These Mexcan never have to work for year, I tell you. And Mexcan liver with onion? Is sooo deleeshus. You must try."

And this from that same article:

I sample a bit of each, and I must admit that Yamamoto is correct. Mexican liver is exquisite, a thousand times tastier than its bovine counterpart. The leg muscle was a little chewy, sort of like gnawing on a fried chicken gizzard, but not bad. ("Marlon Brando and Phil Gordon only person who really love leg muscle; they like on bone and then rip off with teeth. Moan in pleasure, then spit out gristle. I serve Brando many time at Hollywood home. Mayor Phil very good customer here. Say Mexcan better than osso buco.")

Generally, JSB does not condone cannibalism. Marlon Brando gets a pass. He was an old, very fat man at the time. An old, fat man after decades out in Hollyweird with sycophants catering to his every tortured, brooding, misunderstood whim. He had already consumed everything else humanly possible. It was only logical he turned -- well, you get the point.

Only then kids. Only then.

What JSB cannot condone, under any circumstance, is the Mexicans' behavior in this sordid equation.

The poor, huddle masses have been coming to this country since the beginning.

Germans, Irish, Italians, Chinese, Poles, Jews, Greeks, Puerto Ricans.

They all came. They all took jobs from hard working, decent Americans who spoke English more clearly and smelled more pleasant than they.

But none of these proud peoples stooped so low as to take jobs from hard working American cattle.

6000 guardsman will not be enough. Mr. Bush, build that wall.

Or do you want a future where your grandkids speak Spanish and eat Mexicans?


**** Ok, the article I linked to sounds a little Stephen Glassy. So I did a bit of research (google.) The author is a real person with a real resume of seemingly legitimate articles. The paper the article appears in is legitimate, even award winning. And if I was to ask you what screen legend liked to munch on the human flesh, you'd probably guess Brando . Wouldn't you?****