In as poor taste as the lunch buffet at the China Hut

In the past the Chinese government has responded to large scale disasters by imposing press blackouts.

But, with their Olympic coming out party looming, Beijing has been much more willing to let the information flow in the aftermath of the devastating earthquake which has so far killed over 40,000.

How has the Chinese press responded to these new freedoms in a time of crisis? Well, a Chinese magazine called The New Travel Weekly went all Girls Gone Wild in their earthquake coverage by having lingerie-clad models pose amid the wreckage for an issue that hit newsstands on the first day of China's national day of mourning for the quake's victims.

While this may have drove up traffic at the weekly's website, it also attracted the attention of government censors, who declared that the ghoulish glamour shoot "seriously violated propaganda discipline" and was an "extremely evil social influence."

The issue was pulled and the magazine's editorial leadership sacked.

Maybe one day Chinese provocateurs will master the kind of tastelessness that drives so much of the consumer culture China has begun to embrace. But for now its envelope-pushers are making charges like "seriously violated propaganda discipline" sound sensible.

Western-style exploitation isn't as easy as it looks.

China paves path for US economic independence

Earlier this month CNN personality Jack Cafferty said something on air along the lines of all the Chinese imports are junk, and then added that the Chinese government are "basically the same bunch of goons and thugs they've been for the last 50 years." Seeing this as a welcome distraction from all the Tibet criticism they've been dealing with lately, the Chinese seized upon these slights and turned the outrage level up to that of a gender studies professor.

First China demanded an apology from CNN, which they got. Now China has launched a lawsuit against Cafferty and CNN, asking for a dollar for every Chinese citizens, or 1.3 billion dollars.

Outrageous no? But it actually wouldn't be so bad for America if we lose this one. First of all, we could pay the settlement off by simply dumping more worthless paper on China. (This time we'll call it "not-quite prime," they won't know the better.)

And the precedent. Wow, the precedent. Now we could sue other countries every time their media said anything bad about us. Screw the rising unemployment rate, America would never have to work again. Sure we'd probably have to appoint George Bush king for life if we really wanted to bring in the big bucks, but that's a small price to pay for no more credit card debt and Caribbean time shares for everyone!

We would have to watch out for Canada though. It's possible Mountie jokes are more hurtful than we realize.

Stand up for the Lama!

With China cracking down hard on those peace loving Tibetans, it has been suggested concerned nations protest this Chinese oppression by boycotting the opening ceremonies of the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing.

At jsb, our concern for Tibet takes a backseat to no one. Yet we agree that by boycotting the entire games it just punishes the athletes who have trained so hard, and deprives the billions of people who wait for four long years to witness the triumph and struggle that is the games of the olympiad. Still, just boycotting the opening ceremonies is hardly enough because the Dali Lama is really cool. So we recommend right-thinking nations also boycott the following events:

Synchronized Swimming
Water Polo
Archery
Badminton
Flatwater Canoe
Slalom Canoe
BMX
Mountain Bike
Equestrian
Handball
Judo
Sailing
Table Tennis
Winter Olympics

More Chinese products to watch out for

There are well over a billion Chinese. There would be a lot more if China ceased with the putting of toxic material in everything. Unfortunately, in this global economy, The People's Republic's rampant product contamination problem is our problem too. Now that "made in China" reads like a health warning, JSB has a few more products you should stay away from:

Rawhide Bone

Over the last few weeks we've learned imports from China are poisoning children, pets and teeth. It's only logical our children's pet's teeth would also be jeopardized by the infusion of cheap Chinese goods. Even Michael Vick wouldn't let his dog chow down on a rawhide bone from Shanghai.

General Tso's Chicken

The deep fried dish is not really from China. Or chicken. But just because General Tso's is tastier than lead doesn't mean it's any better for you.

Darfur

Some ask why "liberate" Iraq and not Darfur. Well, given one shouldn't walk around Beijing during certain times of the year without a gas mask, I can only cover my mouth and speculate upon what type of chromosome-rattling toxins materialize after Chinese industrialists do their thing in a far-off dusty land. Maybe, Mr. I'm-calling-hypocrisy, when we are done subjecting our soldiers to Sudan we can send them over to liberate Chernobyl.

Yi Jianlian

Jianlian went to the Milwaukee Bucks with the fourth pick in this year's NBA draft. Even after his representatives submitted a workout tape in which the 7-footer was posting up tables and chairs. While some scouts saw this as a warning Jianlian might not be able to compete against livelier opponents, the real reason Yi was displaying his moves against furniture is that no self-respecting Chinamen would get anywhere near an athlete who emits chlorine gas from his sweat glands. Not surprisingly, it was right after the Chinese government learned of Jianlian's unique malady that they sold him to America.