Idle threat of the week

While most folks were out celebrating America 232nd birthday with loud explosions, Florida Governor Charlie Crist was quietly taking steps to become America's 47th Vice President.

Crist, whose bachelor status, sparkly looks and history of frequenting gay clubs has led many to question his sexual orientation, announced on July 4th that he will be wed to a woman.

Crist will also buck the current convention of endless engagements and marry the 38-year old mother of two in September. Yet despite this effort to butch up his political resume and fast, it is highly unlikely Crist will be picked as John McCain's running mate. While the popular governor would surely help McCain in Florida, if McCain can't win the GOP-leaning sunshine state on his own there is no point in him even picking a number two.

But Crist wasn't the only one who spent the holiday weekend boning up on his heterosexual bona fides. Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez did so quiet literally, as rumors of his late night rendezvous with Madonna continued to light up the back pages of the New York tabloids.

Rodriguez surely isn't gay, but that hasn't stopped Red Sox fans (and a surprising percentage of Yankee fans) from making a sport of slurring him with school yard taunts that say otherwise. While, in general, being linked up with a woman who has spent time as an international sex symbol would be an effective retort to such name calling, Madonna has always been loved by gay man and has aged very mannishly, meaning this development will likely give the cat-callers even more ammunition.

And A-Rod and CC's attempts to put the rest the question of their sexuality is the idle threat of the week for July 1-6.

Sex tapes are the new beards

As popular in his home state as he is tan, Florida Governor Charlie Crist has been on the shortlist for the VP slot on the GOP ticket ever since his last minute endorsement of John McCain propelled the Arizona Senator to victory in Florida's primary, and the driver's seat for the nomination.

But Crist, a sparkly-eyed bachelor, has also been dogged by rumors that he has a secret -- the same type of secret that contributed to fellow sparkly-eyed Sunshine State bachelor politician Mark Foley's sad downfall.

So far Crist's best defense against this speculation has been the rumor that he fathered an out-of-wedlock child in 1989.

But now, courtesy of controversial GOP operative and proud swing club enthusiast Roger Stone (who is the subject of a fascinating article in this week's New Yorker) there is buzz about a sex tape involving Charlie Crist and a woman.

Sex might be a strong word, for Crist and his friend with real female parts were only kissing when their images were captured by an elevator security camera. But reportedly Crist pulls the make-out session off without making a grossed-out face.

Stone, who is saving the tape "to play on the national shows," worked on Crist's 2006 campaign for governor.

If this tactic actually works, and Crist is ungayed in the eyes of party skeptics, look for Mitt Romney to attempt to dispel those nasty rumors that he is a Mormon by leaking a tape involving a six pack of beer and a swear word.