Old dudes partying with young chicks

Can you even imagine the controversy if Kerry was President and Belding still the principal of Bayside High?

He's no Chuck Norris

This morning, John Kerry's endorsement of Barack Obama may have sent a ripple or two through the political establishment. While Kerry always makes me think of windsurfing, and how different his skull would look from that of a normal skull, here is what the three remaining Democratic candidates for President are thinking about 2004's Democratic nominee right now:

John Edwards Bummer. It was only four years ago the other John and I were touring the country together. Not since the heyday of folk-pop stars Evan and Jaron had either America seen such a luminously haired duo. Where did we go wrong?

Barack Obama Wow, this whole Kerry endorsement thing is actually getting some media play. Should we distance ourselves from it? I guess we'll let it go. But if I hear a word about Bob Shrum . . .

Hillary Clinton (Turns to the camera and sniffles) The boys . . . they're ganging up on me again.

John Kerry wishes he was windsurfing

I guess the big non-OJ news on the Internet this morning is this guy, who yesterday managed to get himself tasered by the police during a lightly attended John Kerry event at a Florida college.

Andrew Meyer apparently violated the one question per rule -- citing that Kerry got to speak for two hours -- and then threatened to "inform" the audience about the stolen '04 election and brought up the notorious secret society Skull and Bones.

So it was no surprise the police were initially cheered as they pulled Meyer from the microphone. Although things got ugly when the cops decided to taser the quasi-resisting Meyer, even though a good shaking and a couple subtle flashlight jabs would have more than sufficed.

Meyer and his friends have already suspiciously put up multiple videos and accounts of the incident on his various blogs and Facebook accounts. And their quick turnover has so far hit the mark as it looks like Meyer, a 21-year old aspiring media critic, is today's Chris Crocker. Only with less being gay and defending Britney, and more pathetic whining and getting shocked with a taser.

But, in a role he has played before, the big loser here is John Kerry. In the videos Kerry seems overwhelmed and fairly confused by the uncomfortable scene unfolding right in front of him. It's kind of like Bush reading My Pet Goat to a class of elementary school students -- if the police had busted in and started shocking the kids with tasers, that is.

The uneducated take John Kerry to joke school

One could argue having a sense of humor is a good indicator of intelligence. It might even suggest a higher level of education...

Well, it's doubtful any of these soldiers graduated Yale, but they were able to turn this joke around pretty quickly. Especially for being in the middle of a violent war zone and not having help from a speechwriter.

I actually feel bad for John Kerry. If you spend your whole life speaking in front of crowds with the camera on, the best of us are going to eventually say something really inopportune -- botched joke or otherwise. When you're in politics you can only hope the gaffe won't involve insulting the troops or saying something with racial implications (Trent Lott comes to mind.)

So I'm not here to bury Kerry, but to praise the soldiers in that photo. Good joke, fellas. Now each and every one of you has brighter future in national politics than John Kerry does.