Flint will not make the same mistake twice

When I was a kid I really liked the film Roger & Me, which I thought was subversive and hilarious. But when I saw it as an adult it bothered me the extent to which director Michael Moore played the sad-sack, economically devastated residents of his hometown of Flint, Michigan for laughs. Which is par for the course for a man who in a later documentary manipulated an Alzheimer-ridden Carleton Heston to make a point.

But even without Moore's cruel characterization, Flint would still be an ongoing symbol of epic industrial failure. And what has the city learned from its Rust Belt nightmare? That unless decline is dealt with quickly and with overwhelming force there is a risk it will become the permanent reality. Hence Flint's new ordinance on saggy pants:

The campaign for criminal of the year starts early

Although we are barely into January, we already have three leading candidates for worst criminal of the year.

First we start in South Africa, a land known for its staggering crime rates. But collective practice doesn't always make perfect -- at least not for a Pretoria man who walked into a police station last weekend and declared his cell phone had been stolen at gun point. When the detective dialed the phone's number to see if it was still live, it rang in the complainant's pocket. The flummoxed man claimed he had given the officer the number for his other phone, but after it was discovered the serial number on the ringing phone matched the serial number on the allegedly stolen phone, Mr.-Would-Be-Insurance-Frauder was arrested for perjury.

For our second nomination we go to Hell's Kitchen. While the notorious Manhattan neighborhood is no longer the bastion of criminality its name suggests, that's no excuse for James O’Hare and David Daliai, who are both 65 and old enough to have lived through the more colorful days. Yesterday the two friends briefly brightened Hell's Kitchen's fading mottle by attempting the most unusual of crimes: Wheeling, via an office chair, their recently deceased roommate and his 355 dollar social security check into a Pay-O-Matic check cashing store.

But instead of the opulent house party and desirable female company a certain film suggests awaits such ghoulish schemers, the two men were promptly arrested. The police have yet to figure out what crime to charge the duo with.

To my surprise cops in Canada don't use horses

Judging by the newsreader's accent, these impressive feats of motorized police officering went down in Canada.

Which means, on the strength of this video, the cop who used his squad car to pull off the nifty, non-lethal submission hold -- or a "401 take down" -- is a lock to crack next year's list of the 100 Greatest Canadians of All Time. Keeping in mind this year's list had Shania Twain coming in at 16 and Bret "The Hitman" Hart at 39.

I'm not pointing out the country pop singer and the professional wrestler because their rankings seem too high -- although they certainly do for a nation of 33 million people and a multi-generational history. I'm really bringing them up because they are among the few people on the list I -- and I'm guessing most Canadians -- have ever heard of.

Spector to go free?

Multiple sources are now confirming the murder trial of Phil Specter has ended in a hung jury. (Although the judge may now allow the consideration of a manslaughter charge to break the impasse.) Appropriately, this has happened with OJ Simpson back in the news. Reminding us that since OJ's Trial of the Century the score in the courts is now Celebrities three -- People Celebrities Have Killed zero.

The third successful celebrity defendant being Robert Blake --acknowledging his case was a bit less clear cut than the other two, and the victim may well have got what she deserved.

Nevertheless this is nothing but good for me. Sometimes I actually feel bad about writing mean stuff about Lindsay or Britney or John Edwards. This happens when I start to think about how they are people with flesh and blood and feelings -- like I am. So maybe they don't always say and do things that make sense or aren't completely ridiculous. But it's difficult to be in the spotlight 24/7. Especially tough when you are inherently self-centered and find yourself surrounded by leaches who make their living telling you how great you are. So who am I to mock them in hopes others will read my silly little blog?

Then I think about how if I wanted to commit a murder and get away with it I would have to spend all sorts of time and energy planning the crime, destroying the evidence and coming up with an airtight alibi. Whereas if I was a celebrity I could go around killing folks just because the spirit moved me, or without a care in the world, or even willy-nilly, and I would still go free. Which is why it is OK to write nasty things about famous people.

Unkle Kracker wins the August mugshot of the day

In the arresting document, Wake County, North Carolina authorities refer to Unkle Kracker as "a nationally known singer with major assets at his disposal."

I can not comment on what assets Unkle Kracker may or may not have. As for a "nationally known singer" . . . let's just say if I was ever arrested in Wake County I wouldn't be shocked to find myself described as "the king of England."

The married father of three picked just about the worst day possible to allegedly commit a second degree forcible sex offense. A Friday in late August is the only time of the year Mr. Kracker would be getting this type of press scrutiny. Even if he had cured some form of cancer or killed a couple people.

There is a real debate going on among the news services as to whether the nationally known singer spells his name "Unkle" or "Uncle."

Best worst criminal ever?

Hardly a day goes by that I'm not treated to a new viral video of a criminal doing something incredibly dumb as security cameras roll. Lower the crime rate, and my day gets a little bit less enjoyable.

I can't yet locate a video of my latest favorite lawbreaker's exploits, but, in this case, I think the picture is worth a thousand frames.

They call Kasay Kazee the "Duct Tape Bandit." Which is sort of a cool name. Only Kazee took the moniker in the wrong direction when he wrapped the duct tape around his face before robbing an Ashland, Kentucky liquor store of two roles of coins.

If instead Kazee had used the duct tape to bind the hands of store employee Craig Miller it would have been more difficult for Miller to pursue Kazee into the parking lot and beat him until the cops arrived.

Kazee (pictured) vehemently denies being the Duct Tape Bandit. No word on whether Ashland police are on the look out for another bleeding man with his face wrapped in duct tape.

More stupid criminals here.

Lindsay Lohan got in trouble last night

If you are like me your morning has become paralyzed as you await the latest details of Lindsay Lohan's latest arrest. It is no surprise that it was the unholy trinity of alcohol, cocaine and-insisting-to-drive-your-own-car-even-though-you-are-a-celebrity-of-financial-means-who-everybody-knows-is-always-drunk-and-has-a- bodyguard-and-an-entourage-that-could-surely-drive-you-even-if-you-don't-want-to-hire-a-proper-chauffeur that did her in. To top it off, it appears Lindsay had the poor judgement of drawing attention to herself by participating in a late night high speed car chase -- as the chaser.

On one hand I am little disappointed. I was sincerely hoping Lindsay was going to use the challenge of wearing an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet (which apparently doesn't work) to take getting high to new and undetectable places, and not fall back so quickly on the old standbys. On the other hand I really like Lindsay's mugshot. I already know I am way in the minority here -- and man, people can be cruel -- but, I ask, what exactly do you want a drunk coked up girl to look like at 2:30 in the morning?

What I see in Lindsay's freckled face is the gaze of slightly confused compliance that has had men feeding women inebriants since the beginning of time. When you hate on Lindsay's mugshot you are only hating on humanity.

Lindsay's arrest came right on the heels of her being arraigned for her last alcohol/coke/car incident. Meaning, if she is held to Los Angeles County's Paris Hilton standard, she is going to be going away for a long time.

But at JSB we've always held Lindsay, who's cute and possibly talented, to a higher standard than Paris --that do-nothing space alien looking creature. So, as Lindsay begins what is sure to be a meticulously documented journey through our criminal justice system, I'm pulling for Lindsay to outdo Paris in every way.

Sure, that could mean a display of dignity and genuine regret. But what's fun about that?

I think the words "legendary implosion" are sometimes thrown around too lightly in these times of hype and hyperbole. But if the very, very latest report -- that Lindsay was chasing down the mother of her assistant who then called the police because I assume she feared Lindsay was trying to run her down -- is true, we may well be headed in that heady direction.

He's no coach killer, he's a dog killer

I'm no legal expert, but it looks like Michael Vick is in big trouble. It's not good to have the ruthless Feds coming after you in a high profile case. Just ask Scooter Libby or Conrad Black, who are both probably a tad cleverer than Vick, and, more importantly, were likely consorting with a more sophisticated type of co-conspirator. And neither Libby nor Black killed Fido by slamming his body to the ground.

Nor did they wet Snoopy down and electrocute him to death. Or shot Benji in the head. I've seen a lot of nasty and unlikely things written about Scooter Libby, but never once did anyone accuse him of hanging Lassie until she was dead because she couldn't cut it in the brutal blood sport of dog fighting. Allegedly.

Speaking of the message boards, I've been checking them this morning for reaction to the Vick indictment. It's no surprise that public sentiment is uniformly against him. Not that there haven't been some funny comments out there (Did Vick give the dogs herpes too?), but even on the sports and celebrity boards, where things tend to be pretty loose, the opinions have been earnest and outraged.

Of course this indignation could temper if it happens to come out that Vick wasn't involved in the actual doggy executions -- as the indictment states. If not, Vick could probably garner some public support by playing the race and celebrity prosecution cards.

I'm sure Vick's lack of direct involvement is what his legal team will try to establish. And it stands to reason Vick could reach an informal agreement with his other "dogs" in which they take the rap for the worst stuff, he pleas down to a misdemeanor, and then compensates them for the couple years they have to spend in prison partly on his behalf.

Although with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell now handing out long suspensions for multiple DWIs, and the standard NFL contract containing a morals clause that would certainly forbid involvement in dog killing, there is no guarantee, from here on out, Michael Vick will be able to make good on any of his monetary promises.

Paris is slim and fit and ready to change (the world)

Paris was finally liberated, last night, at about 12:15 West Coast time. Coverage today has so far been muted, especially compared to the multi-media hysterics that took place during the penal status confusion surrounding the heiress two weeks ago. Whether this lower-key approach is a result of Hilton burnout or professional shame, I'm not sure. But I am disappointed, since the deeper the New York Times is forced to dig into Paris's affairs the better I feel about myself.

I am also disappointed that Paris didn't look like a hideous beast when she emerged from her cell with the minimal amount of make up allowed. In fact she looked pretty good. And, despite supplementing her standard three daily meals of starchy prison food with a bevy of starchy snacks purchased from the prison canteen while, ostensibly, refraining from cocaine use, Hilton was even able to drop seven pounds. A couple weeks in the clink could be the new Zone Diet.

Paris is now set for a post-incarceration publicity push that will surely include babble about epiphanies, prisoner advocacy and her responsibilities to the world's youth. That and a lot of crying.

If the reaction to Paris 2.0 is positive, expect the short jail sentence -- which combines the shock of a leaked sex tape with the aw of a trip to rehab -- to be this season's vagina flash amongst the celebutante set.

Pacman Jones is an ankle biter

While it may seem like the entire NFL has been on a year long crime spree, the reality is almost all the Leagues' extracurricular legal problems can be traced to one team, the Cincinnati Bengals (14 arrests in the last 14 months) and one player Adam "Pacman" Jones (about 14 documented run ins with police, but only a few arrests so far.)

Things are now such in the Cincinnati area that when there is any mystery as to who committed a crime, the Bengals have become the default perps. As for Jones, to top off a week in which he was questioned about a strip club shooting in Atlanta, the Pacman was just charged with two felonies stemming from his notorious night of rainmaking in a Las Vegas strip club during NBA All-Star Weekend.

If convicted, Jones faces up to 12 years in prison for, among others things, biting the ankle of the bar bouncer.

That's quite a gauntlet the Pacman has just thrown down, and expect at least one of the upstanding citizens from the Cincinnati Bengals to respond in kind.

Meaning we will soon be getting word of a late night incident resulting in a football player being charged with either arm-twisting, leg-pulling or, horrifically, ball busting.

OJ laughs at your felony

A detailed analysis in today's Los Angeles Times confirmed what I already knew: Paris Hilton is spending way more time in prison than the typical inmate convicted of the same crime.

In fact, in Los Angeles county, 60 percent of those who violated the terms of their DUI probation by driving without a licence netted less than four days in the slammer -- which is about the time Paris had served before her controversial initial release. And I don't believe those numbers, which are based on inmates in the prison system, even take into account sentences without jail time.

Not surprisingly, the newspaper also uncovered that Paris is the only inmate in recent LA county history to suffer the emotional earthquake of being sent back to prison after being released.

Now that the cat is out of the bag on the overly harsh justice being served our celebrities, I can only hope the good people of America, particularly those in Los Angeles, will demand fair sentencing for Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie when they face the music for their own vehicular misunderstandings.

Maybe you think it is trivial to worry about the fate of such a disease spreading few when there are so many others suffering greater indignities around the world and perhaps even in your own backyard.

So I'll put it this way: Once celebrities realize they’re not entitled to the gentle wrist-slaps that the rest of us get for misdemeanors and minor felonies, they may be forced into the kind of more serious crimes in which, traditionally, their celebrity has held sway with the criminal justice system.

You know, like double murder. That kind of stuff.

Pants test fails the Hippocratic Oath

Delcrambe, Louisiana is about to become the first jurisdiction in the United States to criminalize saggy pants. Last week the town council approved an ordinance which sets penalties up to six months in jail and a 500 dollar fine for wearing pants that fail to cover underwear or certain body parts.

It's now up to the mayor to sign it into law -- something he has said he will do.

In discussing the ordinance Arthur Roy, the councilman who introduced it, was quoted as saying "I don't know if it will do any good, but it won't hurt."

I beg to differ with Councilman Roy.

While it would be unfair to say all saggy pants wearers are criminals, or even that all criminals wear saggy pants, there is clearly a strong correlation between modern criminality and pant waistlines that hang lower than their traditional resting place.

Not only are saggy pants a valuable tool law enforcement can use to profile potential crooks, but once caught in criminal activity the saggy pants law breaker has little chance of escape, as sudden movement will drop the garment in question towards the ankles, thus making any attempt to flee wobbly and ineffective.

While it would be nice to think that once saggy pants are outlawed only outlaws would wear saggy pants, in actuality just the stupidest of outlaws would continue with the sartorial trend. Decently witted criminals would immediately hike their pants up and tighten their belt, thereby forcing them to blend in with the law-abiding populous. Not to mention freeing them up for cleaner getaways.

If there is not already a Hippocratic Oath that applies to cranky attention-grabbing local ordinances, there certainly should be.

Paris Hilton finds her match

Since I like to be clever, and since Scooter Libby was sentenced to prison on almost the same day as Paris Hilton began serving her jail term, I tried to my darnedest to think of a witty blog post connecting the two. Unfortunately, besides the goofy first names and the sex with Dick Cheney, the two don't share a whole lot in common.

Frustrated, I abandoned the project. Then, as I was reading an article about how the Feds have taken over the Michael Vick dog-fighting probe, it dawned on me. I was trying to pair Paris with the wrong legally challenged news maker. Because, when you get down to it, Paris Hilton and Michael Vick are practically the same person. You don't believe me? Consider this:

Social disease Although up to 20 percent of Americans have Herpes Simplex 2 you can't usually tell by looking at them. Unless they look like Michael Vick or Paris Hilton. Who have both pulled off the neat rare trick of inadvertently revealing their positive herpes status to the public. Paris by not paying the rent on a storage locker that housed, among other things, her medical records, and Vick through his hilarious Ron Mexico ordeal.

Animal cruelty Regardless of what the Feds find, if you don't think Vick is or has ever been involved in the vicious blood sport of dog fighting, well . . . I have a 5'11 running quarterback from Virginia Tech for you to take with your first pick in the NFL draft. Paris's dog cruelty is more subtle. But would you want to spend your life crammed in a tiny purse, only to be left defenseless and unfed when your mistress goes off to perform sex acts on Persian club owners and the relatives of Greek shipping magnates?

Extreme forgetfulness during travel Paris got herself into this whole mess by forgetting she didn't have a license to drive a car. Vick, no stranger to the absent mind, once forgot the water bottle he was illegally taking onto an airplane also had a secret compartment to illegally put weed in. Luckily, Vick also forgot to put his weed in the secret compartment.

Siblings Paris and Micheal each have a much less famous -- but still a little bit famous -- younger sibling who tries to follow in their footsteps. That would be Nicky and Marcus.

Sex with Cheney They don't call him Dick for nothing. What did you think goes on in an undisclosed location anyway?

Controversial gestures of obscenity with animal names When Vick wants to grab a large crowd's attention he raises his hand and flips the bird. Paris opens her legs and flashes the kitty .

Under qualification Look, I don't want to say Paris and Vick don't have talents -- Paris would be great in a hotel room full of 15 year old boys and Vick would be the finest smear the queer (are we still calling it that?) practitioner the grassy area between the basketball courts and jungle gym has ever seen. But, let's face it, based on their skill sets Vick has no business playing quarterback in the NFL and Paris has no business walking upright.

These similarities need to be noted and considered if and when Vick is sentenced for his crimes against caninity. Obviously, like his twin Paris, Vick would find prison drafty and suicidally depressing. So they might as well send him directly to house arrest. Only the house would be the one Vick owned in Virginia, but likes to deny ever being to. And the confinement would be restricted to the room were they found the doggy tread mills, the breeding rape stand and the blood on the walls and the carpet.

To spice things up there would have to be a bunch of hungry pit bulls let down there too. And Dick Cheney, smirking by the rape stand.

The long national nightmare is over

Wow, that was some hard time Paris Hilton served. Last night, under the cloak of darkness, authorities released the heiress, citing medical issues. While the sheriff's office isn't allowed to expand upon what these issues are, there is some evidence to suggest her condition was simply too much crying.

Since I've been caught in traffic jams for as long as Paris Hilton just spent inside a jail cell, I think I can relate to her plight. Yes, I cried too. In my defense my car's air conditioner wasn't working and nobody brought me a bologna sandwich.

I'm sure a lot of people will be angered by Paris's seemingly preferential treatment, but given what she was convicted of she had no business going to jail in the first place. Anyway, for you Paris haters out there, the fact that she spent so little time in prison probably hurts her inexplicable career because it is going to be that much harder for the talent bereft hand-waver to justify a lucrative and sickening post-incarceration sympathy tour.

Paris isn't completely out of the woods yet, and will still be forced to spend the next 40 days confined to house arrest with a tracking device strapped around her ankle. Meaning anyone who wants to benefit from the instant notoriety and gonorrhea that comes with Paris's companionship will have to find her at her West Hollywood home. Which I'm sure is quite nice.

This week in dog-related injuries

Paula Abdul had a painful run in -- or a run around -- with a Chihuahua this weekend. The American Idol judge was trying to avoid stepping on her pet when she fell down, breaking her nose and tearing a ligament.

Reading over accounts of the tragedy, I've noticed words like "claimed" and "allegedly" and "supposedly" being thrown around a lot. It seems like some don't believe Abdul's injuries were chihuahua-related, and something more sinister and inebriated is afoot.

I say there's not much that is more damning to your public claims of sobriety than an error in Chihuahua navigation which leads to bodily harm. The overly and self-medicated still do need a trigger for their mishaps. Sometimes it is a poorly placed wall (or a reckless lack of a wall,) and sometimes it is a rodent-like dog. Mark me down for buying what Paula is trying to sell.

If Michael Vick, who could be in a large amount of trouble with the NFL and the Feds for being involved in fighting dogs much larger than a chihuahua, has been paying attention to Paula's trials and tribulations, I fully expect the running quarterback to claim the poor, bloodied state of the 70 dogs found on the property he owns in Virginia is just a result of considerate canines trying to avoid stepping on each other.

Sure it sounds ridiculous, but Vick is in a real jam -- to fend off a NFL suspension he is going to have to offer up something. And, historically speaking, nobody mixes criminal behavior with absurdity like the once and forever Ron Mexico.

About Phil Spector's hair . . .

Lately, I've found myself bothered that Phil Spector's murder trial is getting so much less attention than Robert Blake's comparable murder trial received a couple years back. Maybe it's because I'm more music oriented than TV oriented but, in my book, Spector, a super producer who invented the wall of sound, is more notable than the television star Blake. Even assuming an equal level of fame, Spector's alleged victim, actress Lana Clarkson, had been in a few popular movies, while the woman Blake was ultimately acquitted of offing was a common Okie grifter.

It's not like Spector doesn't bring to the table a series of eccentricities for people to ooh-and-aw at: Before his firearm misunderstanding with Clarkson, legend has it Spector forced unfocused recording artists Leonard Cohen and Dee Dee Ramone to complete their studio work via gunpoint, and stories of Spector locking his wife and Ronnette lead singer Ronnie Spector inside their Beverly Hills mansion and feeding his children dog food have been circulating for years.

So, in hopes of getting answers, and maybe drumming up interest in this under-appreciated gem of a murder, I did some investigating into the trial that entered its fourth day today. What I found left me shaken. This is what I remember Spector looking like from when he was indicted:

And this was Spector in court today:

Granted everyone has had a bad hair day or a bad haircut, but what makes this so upsetting is Spector was able to get these two haircuts, which are as diverse as they are horrendous, in the span of a year. Remember, Spector is not cutting his own hair. A barber or a stylist agreed to both looks and then a team of lawyers and his new young wife allowed Spector to disrespect our justice system by showing up in a court of law sporting them. Unless they were also coaxed at gunpoint, or are building a case for insanity, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

And if people want to look away, I completely understand.

Flack falls on sword, will miss out on the prison sex

These days, when the bells of resignation toll, the beleaguered party -- whether it be Alberto Gonzales, Paul Wolfowitz or Ehud Olmert -- is much more likely to stubbornly stick around, wagons circled, and keep deflecting the blame for as long as he can, than he is to flash the double victory sign for the last time and allow the helicopter to take him away.

But there is still one man who still understands the way things once were:

Elliot Mintz has been a high-profile flack for over thirty years, representing such luminaries as Bob Dylan and Yoko Ono. Mintz, who looks and sounds like a really gay version of Dick Cavett, is the fellow you've seen in various John Lennon/Beatles documentaries saying things along the lines of "who's to say Yoko Ono's contributions to the Beatles didn't match those of Paul McCartney."

Lately Mintz has undertaken the unenviable task of spinning the simple life and times of lazy-eyed celebutant Paris Hilton. As you've probably heard, last Friday Paris got slapped with a shockingly harsh 45 day jail sentence for driving on a suspended license -- to be served in its entirety in a prison for common felons.

According to court testimony, Mintz took responsibility for the "misunderstanding," stating he reads all of his client's mail for her and had incorrectly told Paris she was still able to drive for work-related reasons. The judge rejected his testimony as "worthless," even though a tearful Paris made the thoroughly believable claim that "I just sign what people tell me to sign."

Now Mintz has accepted his fate and is no longer representing Paris Hilton. Maybe the Japanese-born Ono schooled Mintz in the ancient samurai art of falling on one's sword, or hara-kari.

Whatever it was, it's too bad the dutiful Mintz won't be around to control the media auction when Paris emerges, tales of sapphic-tinged horror in tow, from what promises to be a prison term as lucrative as it is real.

Bank robbery fame is the new reality TV fame

There is an article in Slate today about the aesthetic politics of animal preservation. Not surprisingly, it is easy to raise money to protect a "good looking" endangered species like the panda, but conservationists struggle to raise awareness and funds for "grotesque" but equally threatened animals like the aye-aye. (Which I personally find quite adorable.)

There is no hypocrisy here, because the humans aren't holding the animals to a different standard than they hold themselves. Everybody knows good looking people get all the attention and all the breaks.

Case in point the "Barbie Bandits," who knocked over a bank in Georgia earlier this week. A still from the surveillance video, which showed two attractive girls -- a blond and a brunette -- wearing over-sized sunglasses and somewhat tight tops, made their robbery a national story.

Proving their lack of proper face cover and the giggly way they presented the note wasn't an act, it took authorities about a day to catch the ditzy criminals.

Now bank robbery -- because it was such a plague during frontier times -- is up there with murder, rape, kidnapping and treason for crimes that will net you a significant part of the rest of your life in jail.

But the two 19 year old are only being charged with felony theft. This is ostensibly because they are part of what seems to be an inside job. I'm sure the cynic would point out if the bank was robbed by say, two aye ayes, the gremlin-faced rodents wouldn't immediately get such a lenient charge.

How good looking are the two girls really?

Well, unless you are Tom DeLay, nobody is at their best in a mugshot.

Still, I'd say good looking enough to be some make up and airbrushing away from a bank robbery themed Maxim spread. Which they will shoot when they get out of prison in one to three months.

That's not supposed to go there

During the Mark Foley scandal I recommended the only way out for Dennis Hastert was to claim that, because he was a high school wrestling coach, he was uniquely unqualified to gauge Mark Foley's threat to male, underage pages. Reason being, after years of directing teenage boys into what the non-wrestling world would refer to as "sexual positions," Hastert had developed the appropriate level of homo-obliviousness.

Sometimes, during conversations with my friends and acquaints who wrestled in high school, I mention how gay their childhood sport comes off as. Wrestlers seem to be sensitive to this charge and will usually threaten to beat me up if I keep badgering them about it.

Since ex-wrestlers are skilled in at least one type of physical combat, and I am skilled in none, I believe they probably could beat me up -- or worse. So I shut up.

Speaking of the "or worse," this spectacular lede from an article about a South Dakota high school state champion wrestler facing 400 years in prison neatly sums up wrestling's dangerously thin line between sport and public fornication:

Some are calling it rape; others are calling it a legal wrestling move.

The wrestler in question apparently used this move, which prosecutors say "accomplished an act of sexual penetration," in matches, practice and, oddly, during team bus rides.

It's up to a jury to decide this young innovator's fate but, as far I am concerned, the verdict on wrestling is in.

Albeit too late to do Hastert any good.

Bonus video: Bruno, Sacha Cohen's gay Austrian journalist alter-ego, fools spring breaking high school wrestlers.

A reason to appluad the outgoing Congress

As the Democrats will soon find out, the big problem in controlling Congress is it means you now have more congressmen than the other party. And what, exactly, do members of Congress do? Well, there's the bill writing and the nomination approving stuff, but then there is also the graft and the sex scandals and the potentially insensitive statements.

That is not to suggests that those who serve in Congress are inherently corrupt or foolishly loose lipped, it's just to say if you have 535 human beings of any stripe a few of them are going to be bad apples and a few more are going to be regular apples who have "gone astray."

But if you think Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid face challenges controlling their recently expanded flock, what about the party leader in India -- a much larger country with a much larger Congress?

The law of averages caught up with the Indian Parliament yesterday with not one, but two MP's sentenced for killing people.

The first was your typical, run-of-the-mill parking dispute turned beating death, while the second was a premeditated and successful plan to off a blackmail-threatening political aide.

Since one MP was from the government and the other from the opposition, Indian political equilibrium stands. Although each side diligently prepares its reaction to the future, tie-breaking murder.

And, back in the states, despite a couple of close calls, we've never had a member of Congress convicted of killing another person.

A legacy the 109th Congress has proudly continued.