Jenna Jameson suffers the cruelest cut of all

Sad news from the world of adult entertainment: Jenna Jameson, best selling author and America's foremost porn actress, may be forced out of the business as a result of a vaginaplosty gone wrong. This weekend Jameson did nothing to quell the rumors of botched surgery by appearing at the Exxxotica Convention in Miami Beach weighing a skeletal 40 pounds less than her professional weight. The usually vivacious and fan-friendly star was also reportedly unprofessional and, at times, surly.

I've stumbled upon enough porn to know that the girls with butchered breast augmentations are still allowed to perform, so I can only imagine the horror of a mangled vaginaplosty -- a procedure I was not aware existed until today.

Some might think Jameson, 32, was entering into the twilight of her career anyway. I have to disagree. Just like baseball players are peaking at a later and later age every generation, better diets, exercise, performance enhancing drugs and surgery must be keeping our porn stars looking and feeling young well into their thirties.

Why couldn't have Jameson continued to dominate the porn game by combining her frozen-in-time looks with the technical precision and the -- yes I said it -- acting chops she has gleamed from 14 years in the business?

I wouldn't bet against her -- if she still had a good vagina, that is.

In our society the word tragedy is bandied about way too lightly. And this, this is no tragedy. But by publishing words such as porn and vagina onto my blog it increases the chances I will attract more awkward and hilarious Google searches along the lines of sexy vagina pornography.

These searches always seem to come from Iran or Saudi Arabia. I get a real kick out of that.

When urologists go wild nothing good can happen

One of the things you learn, when you read as many news articles as I do, is that on any given day, somewhere in the world, somebody has had their penis unexpectedly removed.

These severings tend to come either at the hands of another -- as a result of a romantic misunderstanding -- or at the at hands of oneself -- as a result of a paranoid psychotic "incident" that usually ends with the severed penis being hurled at a former lover, if not the authorities.

For whatever reason, Thailand seems to the world leader in unwanted castration.

Since I'm relatively sane, cautiously avoid people who possess a temperament that would be conducive to amateur penectomy and don't plan on any trips to Thailand, I couldn't be more confident of living out the rest of my days with my body and penis as one.

But could it be, via Romania, a new trend in surprise penile removal is emerging :

Surgeon Naum Ciomu, who had been suffering from stress at the time, had been operating on patient Nelu Radonescu, 36, to correct a testicular malformation when he suddenly lost his temper. Grabbing a scalpel, he sliced off the penis in front of shocked nursing staff, and then placed it on the operating table where he chopped it into small pieces before storming out of the operating theatre at Bucharest hospital.

Romania's doctor's union is protesting that Ciomu is being forced to pay, out of his own pocket, for some the damages the court awarded Radonescu for his surgical misfortune. They argue Ciomu having his license suspended was punishment enough, and that this case sets a dangerous precedent.

A dangerous and horrifying precedent.