The Dirk test

Having survived the transition from World War Two artifact to Cold War artifact, America's military presence in Germany still stands at 50,000 troops. As America's "war on terror" enters its fifth year it has been suggested these troops be redeployed somewhere more strategic. But many worry, three generations removed from having a proper army and with a school system that stresses pacifism, the Germany people have lost the will to defend themselves. With that in mind, military officials from both sides of the Atlantic watched this video, shot last night in Miami, with great interest.


I like the way the big German doesn't allow the exercise bike to get away with looking at him like that. It showed aggression, but not the kind of let's-start-another-world-war-because-they're-fun-and-we-get-to-wear-form-flattering-uniform's aggression that might set off the alarm bells. I wasn't thrilled with Dirk's inability to knock the bike over, but he was able to launch a separate aerial assault on a table.

All right, fine, we won't be pulling our troops from Germany anytime soon.

It makes me wonder how other prominent NBA players would react when faced with such an obnoxious exercise bike...

French-born San Antonio Spur's Point Guard Tony Parker would immediately run back onto the court screaming that they've put the something "line" in the wrong place again.

Parker's Argentine teammate, Manu Ginobili, would make a move towards the bike and then instinctively drop to the floor clutching his knee.

Projected #1 pick draft pick, Italian Andrea Bargnani would wait until he didn't think the bike or anyone else was looking and throw a vicious elbow to the bike's handle bars.

No self-respecting American player would get anywhere near something with peddles, but the parking lot would be unilaterally invaded and a large SUV destroyed.

Witnessing this, back-to-back league MVP and no-foolin' Canadian Steve Nash would say something smug.

Of course, military and NBA personal would be most interested in how Houston Rocket center and Chinese giant Yao Ming would react to such provocation. But, as of now, it's still a mystery.