Staying one step ahead

As a terrorist mastermind, Osama Bin Laden leaves a lot to be desired. He came in with a bang, but what has he done for Allah lately? The guy has been reduced to audio cassettes. Do you think he notes the contents of these cassettes in bubbly lettering on the jacket cover before handing them off to his llama-riding messenger boy?

The day we knock him back to the 8-track will still be a significant victory in the war on terror -- nobody can take that away from us.

But seriously, when was the last time you were walking around and started thinking about what a scary guy Osama Bin Laden is. Or even worried about domestic terrorism at all. Three or four years ago sure, but if it's happening today you probably need to get that checked out.

That's why I nominate Richard Reid for terrorist of the millennium -- the guy stuck a firecracker in his shoe and changed the way we travel for what is starting to seem like perpetuity.

I've begun to notice more and more people are wearing their flip flops in non-airport security line situations. I was at a crowded bar the other day and more than half the revelers were wearing flip-flops. The way I see it, there could only be three reasons one would wear flimsy, open footwear to a crowded bar:

1. They want it to hurt as much as possible when they get their foot stepped on (preferably by a heeled ladies shoe.)
2. They like the way spilt beer allows the flip flop to stick to the soles of their feet.
3. It's a sub-conscious acknowledgement of how Richard Reid has changed America.

I'm guessing it's usually three.

To make matters worse, once the geniuses at Homeland Security process today's news that another "shoe bomber" has struck, this time at an Iraqi Mosque, I fear it will finally dawn upon them the shoe bomb technique doesn't need to be restricted to aviation.

It won't be long until we will all be wearing flip-flops to crowded bars.

But won't we all feel safer.