Lindsay Lohan hospitalized

It's dehydration, Lohan's people are saying. I'll refrain from the coke jokes because I want to address something that's been bothering me for a while:

The dearth of good celebrity explanations when it comes to injury or sickness.

Yes, I know The Hoff recently claimed he cut his head on a chandelier while shaving, but for the most part your Hollywood types stick to the "dehydration" script whenever the ambulance sirens roar. The problem being this tactic is completely useless as an honest explanation and devastatingly uninteresting.

I say be truthful but sly: "Lindsay has been having too much fun lately." Or topical: "Lindsay is deeply troubled by the current crisis in the Middle East."

Or really shake things up with a curveball such as "because she is a fembot the extreme heat has overwhelmed Lindsay's self-cooling system, forcing us to re-charge her much sooner than anticipated."

I thought the whole point of Lindsay Lohan was to be fun and entertaining. It's obviously not to make hit movies. Generally, she does an excellent job playing this role, but she could be just as fun in collapse as in her typical semi-upright stupor if her flacks would free her from the tyranny of "dehydration."

Anything else would be preferable. Besides "flu-like symptoms," of course.