Thursday, August 03, 2006

Joe -- by the skin of his yellow country teeth

It appears the Junior Senator from Connecticut has run out of senatorial primary Joementum.

I've always liked Lieberman, largely because I find the phrase "Joementum" pleasing to speak or write. I am grateful his 36 year political ascent has added it to the lexicon. (And acknowledge it is often used sarcastically.)

Once Lieberman loses on Tuesday there will be much speculation on his next move.

Lieberman can be Machiavellian, as evidenced by his insistence on remaining on the Connecticut senate ballot while he was running for Vice-President. A decision that guaranteed Joe would have an important job come that January, but doomed his party's hope of regaining the Senate.

I'm also under the impression, despite his amiable demeanor, a cruel and unforgiving, Old-Testament-Joe lurks in Lieberman. That in mind, this is what I see going down:

After losing the primary, Lieberman enters the race as an independent, prevailing with relative ease in a three-way race. The Democrats pick up the six seats they need to capture the Senate, but Joe's decision to caucus with the GOP swings the tie-breaker to Cheney and denies the donkeys the subpoena power they are so giddy for. Lieberman further infuriates his old mates by becoming the first man to run for vice-president as a Democrat and a Republican.

The '08 election comes down to a close race in Florida. The McCain/Lieberman ticket prevails because of an unprecedented number of conservative voters in Palm Beach County -- a surge this time attributed to Lieberman's popularity there.

Once he becomes Vice President, Lieberman uses his executive privilege to force notorious Joe-hater Markos Moulitsas spend at least four years looking at himself in the mirror while reading the endless barrage of rants that appear on his popular political weblog.

On the off-chance this doesn't happen, I would recommend Lieberman spend his new free time doing something about his teeth. I think he may be under the impression his jaundiced hue camouflages his yellow teeth.

It doesn't.

Unless there is some sort of Talmudic provision against them, I suggest Crest White Strips.

Bonus video from the post title.

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