Monday, September 25, 2006

Idle threat of the week

When our panel of judges who decide Idle Threat of the Week get together during football season the name Chris Simms inevitably comes up.

In the past, a few of our judges have argued the combination of the Tampa Bay quarterback's aggressive lack of pigmentation, privileged laissez-faire upbringing and willingness to play with all of his non-vital internal organs still superfluously in his body constitutes a reckless provocation towards the other team. Which possibly raises to the level of a threat.

After watching game tapes from Tampa Bay's 0-2 start and noticing the Buc's offensive line provides Simms with no protection and his receivers are unable to get open, our panel finally agreed Simms's continued insistence on offering his non-essential organs as naked targets for aggression was, in fact, an out-and-out challenge and threat to the manhood of the opposing team's defensive players. And an idle one at that.

It isn't every week we get to see the idleness of the threat we select play out so quickly. But after being hit repeatedly by an enraged, emasculated Carolina Panther defense, Chris Simms lost his
spleen Sunday.

As he spends the next few days in the hospital Simms can take solace in playing a good chunk of the game with a ruptured spleen -- making him a lot tougher than he gets credit for. And, of course, that he won Idle Threat of the Week for September 18-24.

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