Monday, October 02, 2006

Idle threat of the week

On Saturday, British authorities found George Michael slumped over the steering wheel of his car -- which was blocking an intersection -- and arrested the eighty-million sold recording artist for marijuana possession. This was the second time in the last few months Michael has succumbed to the hypnotic spell of the early morning red light.

When he isn't clogging the streets of London, the former Wham! front man is
gallivanting in the shrubbery of its parks with pot-bellied, 58-year-old, jobless van drivers.

Even when he seems to be getting his life together his complete lack of judgement is apparent. Michael recently embarked on his first tour in fifteen years and included a stage show involving George Bush, Tony Blair and bestiality so tasteless the would-be sympathetic European audiences have been whistling in embarrassment.

While Idle Threat of the Week's panel of judges have always enjoyed George Michael's music and appreciate that his past efforts to maintain a modicum of heterosexuality have
put Cindy Crawford in a bathtub and sent Christy Turlington crawling across the floor, we see what he is trying to do here.

Granted certain professional athletes and members of congress have made fellow former chart-topper Michael Jackson's "eccentric" habits of sleeping in an oxygen chamber and seducing boys seem more mainstream.

But until George Michael shows up late to his trail for child molestation wearing a prosthetic nose and the uniform of a third-world military dictator -- only to dance a jig atop a SUV before entering the courtroom -- our judges must note the futility of George Michael's vain attempts to end Wacko Jacko's long reign as biggest disaster of an eighties' cultural icon.

Although, his efforts do mean George Michael gets to add Idle Threat of the Week from September 25th to October first to an already impressive resume.

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