Monday, October 23, 2006

Idle threat of the week

Certain members of the illustrious panel of judges are so old they grew up swing dancing and watching prizefights. But even they know rappers want to be ballers and ballers want to be rappers.

An axiom that begs the question: If rappers are gangsters does that mean ballers want to be gangsters?

There was much comparing of inflated IQ scores as the panel worked that riddle to its conclusion.

Two weeks ago Indiana Pacer forward Stephen Jackson shot up a strip club parking lot as his teammates watched calmly from their posh British motorcars, and few days ago we got word Boston Celtic point guard Sebastain Telfair may have
ordered a hit on Brooklyn rapper Fabolous.

Telfair denies involvement, but the fact remains that on-lookers observed Fabolous's "weed carriers" -- a self-explanatory job that apparently doesn't pay much -- snatching a 50,000 dollar chain off Telfair's neck. Telfair was then seen making a phone call. Twenty minutes later Fabalous was shot in the leg.

To paraphrase Fabalous's biggest
hit single, the panel of judges must accept that rappers have a solid claim on being the gangsters they like to play in concert and on TV. As much as we'd like to deny it, we can't pin the long list of murdered and imprisoned rappers on mere posturing.

But, like Shaq's legacy as a rapper was doomed to be a never-ending punch line and Master P's career as a baller fizzled in training camp, the panel believes the recent threats by the NBA Community to embrace the thuglife are so futile that they are completely idle.

Sure the ballers have had an impressive run of recent gun play, and tend to shoot off all sorts of gang signs after alley-opp dunks, but can you really be "gansta" when David Stern dresses you on and off the court? Can you even be a man?

The NBA season kicks off on Halloween and seven months later a world champion will be crowned. But today the entire NBA is a winner as it has been awarded Idle Threat of the Week for October 16-22.

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