Tuesday, October 31, 2006

NBA preview

While I still consider myself among the increasingly important "27 remaining NBA fans" Bill Simmons mentions in his writing, fantasy basketball has changed me in a profound way. Now I root exclusively for the players on my fantasy team.

Or, more specifically, I root for the players on my fantasy team to miss a shot, get their own offensive rebound, and then hit a shot. Actually, what I really like is when a player on my fantasy team misses a shot, gets his own offensive rebound, and then hits a three.

This delectable scenario rarely unfolds outside of Vince Carter. Except Carter usually misses the three. And then breaks his hamstring. Vince Carter is not on my fantasy team this year.

Up to four times a week, for up to eight months a year the well-armed men of the NBA put down their bongs, shake off their X-Box hangovers and perform at an almost world-class level for the last eight minutes of the fourth quarter. They deserve a season-previewer who sees them as more than potential points in some silly fantasy game.

So I've outsourced the task. And no, I don't mean I gave it to a kid in Bangalore with a Dwayne Wade bobblehead and a subscription to Michael Jordan magazine. I got a tried and true fan -- one of the 27.

His name is Hoops McCann. And when he's not eating dumplings with Jive Miguel after illegal fun, he's thinking about The Association.

Here is his preview.


Gone to the blogs said...

Hoops McCann,

No pre-season primer on the new and improved Cavs? I'm disappointed.

Their victory over the Wiz last night left me with three questions...
1) Has Larry Hughes been taking free throw lessons from Shaq?
2) Was Gilbert Arenas aware that he was supposed to be playing basketball during all four quarters?
3) Might Donyell Marshall have an alternate future career as a celebrity weight less guru? (he went from looking like "Tractor" Traylor to Tone Loc in a matter of months).

Anonymous said...

Gone to the blogs,
Coach Brown gets a chance to demonstrate he learned from last season’s mistakes. If Z doesn’t start getting more early game touches on the block, all bets are off and expect a lengthy piece. Provided he keeps playing like last night, the folks in the heart of Rock ‘n Roll should forgive Hughes’ touch of Bowen syndrome (make 3’s, miss ft’s). Explaining the behavior of Gilbert is above my pay grade. Marshall claims he is often mistaken for Ludacris. Like Luda, Marshall is a better sub than star, so he should align himself with a guru in need of a feature.

ilaroui said...

Actually it's Bangalooru now