Week eight picks

Atlanta at CINCINNATI (-3.5) Vick plays best when he is openly disparaged. With that out of the way, look forward to a consistent decline leading to the next open disparagement.

TAMPA BAY at Giants (-9.5) With all the attention focused on Tiki and Ronde, Barber family illegitimate twin Shaun Alexander must really feel it.

SAN FRANCISCO at Chicago (-16) Gambling rule: Never bet on a team that is giving 16 points despite its quarterback posting a negative fantasy score last time out. It's a new rule, because it couldn't have possibly ever happened before.

Jacksonville at PHILADELPHIA (-6.5) I like Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb and I think they are both really good at what they do. But I can no longer take the dumb look they give each other when they conspire to make yet another tragic mistake concerning clock or timeout management -- they may need to be separated.

Seattle and KANSAS CITY (-6) Soup is bad karma: The curse of Campbell strikes Hasselback.

HOUSTON at Tennessee (-3) If the super-slow Mario Williams chased the not-very-quick Vince Young would CBS's high definition cameras break?

Baltimore at NEW ORLEANS (-2) New Orleans is considering hiring a "public watchdog" to combat corruption. Right. That will put an end to centuries of graft and cronyism. If only they had thought of it sooner.

Arizona at GREEN BAY (-3.5) I like to make fun of Brett Farve as much as the next guy, but watching him celebrate a touchdown last week during a match up between two of the worst teams in football made me realize how much he enjoys playing. Love of the game has always been the noblest reason for ruining one's legacy.

St. Louis at SAN DIEGO (-9.5) Nicole Richie has checked into a treatment facility to address her "inability to gain weight." Shawne Merriman is considering treatment for his "inability to pass steroid tests."

INDIANAPOLIS at Denver (-3) Winner has the inside track to home field advantage for the AFC playoffs as well as the 2006 ESPY for "Biggest Choke Team."

JETS at Cleveland (-2.5) Game four World Series hero and "everyman" David Eckstein is married to an actress -- are you married to an actress?

PITTSBURGH at Oakland (-9) It's highly probable Roethlisberger entered into a Kurt Warner-like pact with the devil which expired upon Super Bowl victory. If so, expect fumbles. Lots and lots of fumbles.

Dallas at CAROLINA (-5) The "love" affair of T.O. and Romo has an Elizabeth Taylor feel to it.

NEW ENGLAND at Minnesota (+1.5) The humorless Patties just win.