Wednesday, October 04, 2006

With our eyes firmly on the diabetic kid's needles

I just learned something rather shocking: Candy cigarettes are still legal. That's impressive and improbable and either the result of some stealth maneuvering by a more powerful-than-previously-believed confectionery lobby or a fluke of regulatory neglect involving confused jurisdictions.

Made of chalky sugar or stale bubblegum, candy cigarettes were a staple of my youth. The good kind actually produced smoke of sorts when you stuck them in your mouth.

I'm pretty sure my parents wouldn't have allowed me to have them in the house, so I used to get my fix at school. The cool kids of Bethesda Elementary smoked candy cigarettes after we ate lunch -- and after we'd blow lines of crushed Smarties through our milk straws and off the smooth, lamented lunch room tables.

The guy with the candy cigs and the Smarties was the guy you wanted to be sitting near when the lunch bell rang.

Every year Halloween ushered in legendary binges.

Ironically, candy cigarettes tasted awful and to say flavored sugar disagrees violently with the nasal cavity is a dangerous understatement.

Yet the abuse continued. Of course when crack came into prominence we began experimenting with rock candy. But that only led to burnt fingers and confiscated matchbooks.


Anonymous said...

Have you heard of this new energy drink called cocaine?

JT said...

Yup. They tried to get Lindsay Lohan to sponser the product.

Anonymous said...

NYC’s Mayor recently condemned it. I saw the company’s front man on CNBC; he made it clear the beverage is cocaine in name only. Speaking of getting jacked up, does the JSB have footage of the Hilton/Moakler melee?

Anonymous said...

unfortunately this new energy drink cocaine is only available in select markets of europe.