Thursday, November 09, 2006

Baldwin screwed again

In 2000 Alec Baldwin was the most prominent American celebrity to threaten a move to France if George Bush was elected president.

While the French generally enjoy an American celebrity, they were horrified by the specter of an Alec Baldwin loose on their streets. There was talk of a new
Maginot Line, but the Florida Supreme Court confirmed Bush's victory too quickly for that plan to be launched.

The French resigned themselves to the Baldwin invasion. Their only hope was their sophisticated culture would confuse the madman. Still, 60 million Frenchmen went to bed knowing they would soon be a temper-tantrum away from speaking Baldwin.

Miraculously, Alec remained in the States. As Bush piled up political victory upon political victory, Baldwin's anger boiled. Publicists, assistants, waitresses,
walls, cute-as-a-button actresses and officers of the law felt the heat of his wrath.

Baldwin even took his rage into cyberspace. Concocting violent scenarios of
gang rape involving public officials.

When I went to bed Monday night I considered what would happen if the Democrats blew their lead and fumbled the midterms. My thoughts quickly turned to Alec Baldwin. I was sure even an over-extended American military could eventually take him -- but innocents would die in the interim.

Again, crisis averted. I wondered if, in good times, the intensity of Alec's joy matches the intensity of his rage in the bad ones.

That is a question even Alec won't be able to answer. Because, on the heels of his election victory celebration, he has been thrown into family crisis as his bonehead younger brother and fat Baldwin, Danial, was just
arrested for grand theft auto.

And the burden -- the curse -- of being Baldwin continues.

No comments: