Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Idle threat of the week

I was able to get the panel of judges to assemble on New Year's day, but they arrived tired and seemed more interested in researching gym memberships than scouring the globe for what had been last week's biggest idle threat.

Forced to pick up the slack for my portly colleagues, I eventually came across an article about the Muslim feast Ei Al-Adha -- where animals are ritually slaughtered to celebrate the biblical story of Abraham. The headline of the article read
Animal Sacrifices Maim 1,400 in Turkey , and this just cracked me up.

Even though I have no previous experience in animal sacrifice, I told the sluggish panel that if I ever found myself hell-bent on such a ghoulish activity I -- unlike the Turks -- would surely be able to finish the animal after I maimed it.

The panel, interrupted from their discussion of StairMasters and treadmills, eyed me wearily and informed me if my thoroughness as an animal slaughterer matched my thoroughness as an article reader that probably wouldn't be the case.

Taking the cue to actually read the article, I quickly learned "animal sacrifice maims 1,400 in Turkey" didn't mean there were 1,400 wounded animals limping around Turkey, but rather 1,400 Turks had been sent to the ER with animal sacrifice injuries.

That, I must admit, cracked me up even more.

Most of the injuries were of the puncture variety, although at least one did involve a crane. Sadly, this Ei Al-Adha startled animals cost three brave Turks their lives.

Turkey -- a nation which would like to join the European Union -- has been trying to crack down on the amateur animal sacrifice for years. Apparently, to no avail.

Sure, it would have worked a lot better if the Turks had proven themselves unable to slaughter the proverbial sacrificial lamb, but holiday weeks are always slow on the idle threat front so we are still going to award the shaky-handed Ei Al-Adha celebrating Turks the Idle Threat of the Week for the last week of 2006 -- which was as an idle threat-filled of a year as all the rest.

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