Give that cow a contract

Don't get me wrong, I love the food chain and make it a part of my everyday routine. But I also whole-heartedly endorse temporary reversals in ecosystem fortunes. When they don't involve me, of course.

During the slow-motion breakdown of the stunning video above it becomes apparent Elsie, in single leap, is able to strike her assailant with each of her four hooves before landing. It would take two ninjas to do that, and I'm not even sure ninjas exist.

This kind of documented bovine athleticism blows the lid right off of that old "cows can't walk down stairs" canard. It turns out they can -- they just prefer not to.

It's a good thing cattle are such slaves to sloth, or we'd be what's for dinner.