Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Slow days inspire bad puns and potty humor

Last year the big story from the White House Correspondents' Dinner was the caustic performance of comedian Stephen Colbert. Colbert's routine wasn't well received in real time, but took on water cooler status once it hit the unwashed masses via YouTube.

This year they hired tamer entertainment, and left it up to the guests to provide the morning-after controversy. Global warming first-responders Sheryl Crow (singer) and Laurie David (wife of enthusiasm deficient, Seinfeld-rich Larry) tried their best by confronting famous White House advisor Karl Rove with their crusade. Rove, according to most reports, including Crow and David's own, reacted with over-the-top rudeness to the ladies' well-plotted invasion.

Rove became particularly unnerved when Crow reached over to touch him.

On Monday we got further insight into why Rove, who was headed towards his table to eat, may have become so enraged by the touch of a woman many consider to be desirable.

It turns out, in her full effort to save the globe, Crow limits her toilet paper usage. Severely limits.

Yesterday, in the aftermath of the dust-up, Crow appeared on the daytime talk show The View. "Have you seen my ass" was The View's co-host Rosie O'Donnell's incredulous response to Crow's one square per sitting standard. But Rosie didn't simply rely on words when she referred to her posterior. She created a succinct visual. (Pictured above.)

A rectangle, formed with her pointer fingers and thumbs, that clearly represented not the whole ass, but only the section relevant to wiping -- the part you aren't allowed to mention on TV.

So the next time you feel like staging a confrontation with a government official concerning your pet "save the world" project at a social event -- or even if you just have the urge to harass, with talk of Jesus or whatnot, some poor guy who is trying to walk to the grocery store -- remember, your evangelical zeal and surprise tactics are unlikely to change the mind of your target.

And might just trigger a chain of events ending with the ample Rosie O'Donnell graphically describing her most "holey" attribute to an audience that is likely to be eating lunch.


Anonymous said...

If Sheryl Crow is successful in eradicating TP, I'm sure Rosie can use pages torn from her failed magazine as a substitute.

JT said...

Let’s hope the pages are able to if it comes to that. The only thing that worries me is Rosie's fingers and thumbs are at full circumference in her gang sign-like description of her pooper -- meaning it could be even bigger a real life. And the trees thought to be wasted on Rosie Magazine, and resurrected for the most dangerous "duty" there is, might not go as far as you think ...

Anonymous said...

Do you think Crow is a fan of Mall Rats?

Anonymous said...

She could raid a design store for some 18"x18" carpet samples - those might be big enough.

JT said...

And now she's gone. So she has plenty of time to assualt design stores, and her favorite "carpets."