Monday, June 04, 2007

Idle threat of the week

Most Sunday nights the panel of judges work hard to determine what person place or thing has made the idlest threat of the week. Because of our efforts -- up to a half-hour of intense debate and unrelated gossip --and this blog's popularity, we have noticed a marked downturn in the world-wide issuance of obviously idle threats.

Apparently word still travels slow to the deserts of North Africa, because last Wednesday John Ukec Lueth Ukec, the Sudanese ambassador to the United States, issued a threat of blatant and dubious content during a highly publicized press conference.

Clutching a twelve ounce bottle of Coca-Cola, Ukec warned America that if we don't stop classifying what is going on in his nation's Darfur region as a genocide he would cut off the world's emulsifier gum arabic supply. Thus removing from the market one of coke's essential ingredients, and putting an end to cola as we know it.

On the surface this threat does have a modicum of validity. If given a choice between a savory soft drink and the meaningless slogan of a bumper sticker genocide, I'm sure some of America's more prudent and sweet-toothed realists would chose the soft drink. Unfortunately for Ukec, it isn't clear that Sudan actually controls the world-wide market of gum arabic, and the ambassador did nothing to bolster the veracity of his claim by further declaring Sudan, largely an arid flatland, was "the breadbasket of the world," and that Sudan's famously oppressive government was on the verge of becoming "the best democracy of the world."

There is also the age old problem of bringing soda into geopolitics when the capital city of your nation is pronounced "cartoon."

Last week the nonsensical rambling of John Ukec Lueth Ukec made us all laugh, and captured Idle Threat of The Week for May 28 to June 3. This week, for a tasty encore, the panel suggests Ukec come up with something involving the potato chip.

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