Monday, June 25, 2007

Idle threat of the week

It may seem like all freewheeling fun, over here at Idle Threat of the Week, but the reality is the panel of judges has always been governed by a tight set of rules and a strict code of ethics.

While we cherish these regulations and realize without them we would just be a bunch of guys watching HBO's Sunday line up until someone finally suggests an idle threat -- which we all immediately agree to because thinking hard is annoying -- sometimes the parameters we must adhere to become cumbersome.

One of the more controversial rules states that there are certain events which trigger automatic Idle Threat of the Week recognition, no matter what the extenuating circumstances.

For example, anytime there is an attempt to recast Madonna as a movie star, that is your Idle Threat of the Week, no questions asked. Another example, more pertinent to this week, involves third party presidential candidates.

While a third party candidate can be a legitimate threat to a particular political party (Ralph Nader) or a nation's collective sanity (Ross Perot), if the panel deems that said third party candidate harbors even the slightest intention of actually winning the election, and thus altering the political landscape forever, said third party candidate shall, according to our charter, be recognized with our weekly award.

So it was with great reluctance we've slapped Mike Bloomberg, whose recent dropping of his Republican party affiliation signaled an indisputable desire to run for and win the presidency, with Idle Threat of the Week for June 18-24.

We hope this recognition doesn't in any way discourage the New York Mayor from making his run. Because we think it would be nothing but fun for everyone involved. We have even concocted a scenario in which a Giuliani/Clinton/Bloomberg race creates an opening for a fourth party candidate -- probably an irascible religious type.

Suddenly faced with the potential of President James Inhofe, preachers throughout the nation will regale their parishioners with tales of the God they are going to slap everybody else with as soon as their man takes the White House. In turn, universities and Internet message boards will clutter with hysterical talk of caravans to Canada and mass (but green) suicides. Creating a delicious scenario of competing idle threats revolving around an event that has no chance of happening in the first place. An embarrassment of riches for anyone tasked with finding the idle threat of the week.

Run Mike, run.

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