Thursday, June 07, 2007

The long national nightmare is over

Wow, that was some hard time Paris Hilton served. Last night, under the cloak of darkness, authorities released the heiress, citing medical issues. While the sheriff's office isn't allowed to expand upon what these issues are, there is some evidence to suggest her condition was simply too much crying.

Since I've been caught in traffic jams for as long as Paris Hilton just spent inside a jail cell, I think I can relate to her plight. Yes, I cried too. In my defense my car's air conditioner wasn't working and nobody brought me a bologna sandwich.

I'm sure a lot of people will be angered by Paris's seemingly preferential treatment, but given what she was convicted of she had no business going to jail in the first place. Anyway, for you Paris haters out there, the fact that she spent so little time in prison probably hurts her inexplicable career because it is going to be that much harder for the talent bereft hand-waver to justify a lucrative and sickening post-incarceration sympathy tour.

Paris isn't completely out of the woods yet, and will still be forced to spend the next 40 days confined to house arrest with a tracking device strapped around her ankle. Meaning anyone who wants to benefit from the instant notoriety and gonorrhea that comes with Paris's companionship will have to find her at her West Hollywood home. Which I'm sure is quite nice.

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