Friday, July 27, 2007

Carjacking is back and cooler than ever

Carjacking -- or at least the hysteria surrounding carjacking -- came into and left prominence during the mid-nineties. If memory serves, much of the attention was triggered by a series of deadly attacks on German tourists driving rental cars in south Florida. But the nation soon tired of hearing about carjacking, and returned to focusing on old favorites like child molestation. Sadly carjacking was relegated to just a lonely column on a Department of Justice crime report -- no different than illegal logging.

That all ended today when we were treated to the details of not one but two carjackings. And not just any carjackings, these were celebrity carjackings!

We begin with the increasing bizarre case of Lindsay Lohan. There is now a claim that the car Lindsay used for her crime spree was, like the pants she wore, not her own. The GMC Denali belonged to a young man with the unusual name of Dante Nigro. Oddly, Nigro is a white fellow, but his friend and eventual co-hostage is black, which comes into play later.

It was by invite of the boyfriend of one of Lindsay's assistants that Nigro came to the fateful party where Lindsay was testing the sensitivity of her SCRAM bracelet. The same assistant whose argument with Lindsay launched the high speed car chase.

A dispute which took place in the parking garage of the apartment complex the party was being held, and resulted in Lindsay's assistant quiting and fleeing in a car.

Through a series of events I will let young Dante explain, Lindsay was then able to wrestle the keys and the car from Nigro, before taking, at speeds of up to 100 MPH, Nigro and his African American buddy unwillingly along on the harrowing pursuit of her former assistant.

Finally, when pulled over by the law, Nigro alleges Lindsay jumped out of the car and immediately offered up the hopeful defense: "I wasn't driving the black kid was."

Meanwhile, over in Bel Air yesterday, the carjacking shoe was on the other celebrity foot. Prince Frederic von Anhalt -- who you may recall from such scandals as Anna Nicole Smith's posthumous baby poppa drama -- was driving around in his Rolls when he was robbed at gun point by three women bandits.

Were these sexy women bandits? We don't yet know. But we do know Von Anhalt, Zsa Zsa Garbor's ninth husband, was wallet-less, watch-less, key-less and naked when police found him. Although the highway women didn't actually take his fine luxury automobile, so it wasn't actually a carjacking. Which is fine really, because von Anhalt isn't actually a celebrity. And, furthermore, isn't actually telling the truth. Speaking of which, I don't much trust that Dante Nigro's story either.

But who cares? I was getting sick of the celebrities and their paltry DUI auto crimes-- it's like there's a new one every day. Boring. It's about time they took it up a notch. In word or deed.

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