The grassy knoll strikes back

It's almost like, these days, you can't log onto your computer and go to a popular video sharing site and type in a phrase like "September 11" or "Princess Diana" or "Apollo Moon Landing" without having some wild eyed lunatic get up in your face, spouting crazy talk about how everything you previously thought was wrong, and it all goes back to a secret alliance between the Saudi Royal Family, the Zionists, Cheney and Tom Cruise.

Well the Lohan camp also just wants "the truth to come out," and had the good sense to dispatch a wild eyed "family insider" to Entertainment Tonight for the purpose of setting the record straight on the beleaguered actress's DUI and coke arrest. All the goodness is documented in this two minute clip, but I've summarized the key points of lunacy for those in a rush or who are easily hypnotized.

* Lindsay's "maternal" instincts kicked in once she noticed one of her younger assistants was "disheveled." Which explains the early morning car chase through the streets of Santa Monica. Yet . . .

* "We don't know if Lindsay was behind the wheel. Nobody actually saw Lindsay driving!"

* While the "insider" conceded Lindsay had fallen off the wagon in terms of the demon rum, she strenuously denied the drug allegations. Explaining away the inconvenient truth that there was cocaine found in Lindsay's pocket by claiming "apparently Lindsay's wasn't even sure whose clothing she was wearing."

It is in the last point I realized what a sophisticated spin machine the truth as it appeared to be is up against. Because the basis for any effective conspiracy theory is a statement which is at first absurd, but, upon deeper reflection, becomes a little less absurd.

So yeah, the "those aren't my pants" defense against a narcotic possession rap is usually as probable as the one about the dog and the homework. But is it that improbable that Lindsay Lohan put on the wrong pair of pants?

I blame Oliver Stone.