Remember, the police work for you

The porn star, once the most marginalized of stars, has been having a great run lately. No longer content to remain naked and moaning under the harsh light of their Ventura County sound stage ghettos, porn stars are now writing best selling books, running for political office, bottling highly rated wine, and gaining legitimacy by any means necessary -- even if that means doing reality television.

All the while our traditional stars, sloppy and lazy, mostly just use their free time to go out to clubs and get arrested.

So how come today's porn stars are able to accomplish so much -- living the same kind of in-your-face automobile-heavy vida loca we require of all of our stars -- without getting ensnared by the long, hungry arm of the law?

Two words: Blow job.

Already conditioned to drop to their knees anytime they encounter a man in a uniform, the quid pro quo between the potentially lawbreaking porn star and the potentially arresting officer is so seamless it rarely has a chance to develop into anything newsworthy.

Which is why this report from Knoxville, Tennessee is such a unique find. It seems featured adult performer Barbie Cummings (not her real name) was pulled over for speeding by Tennessee Highway Patrolman John Randy Moss (his real name.) Drugs were found, and Cummings took care of the situation to the best of her training, emerging with just the speeding ticket.

Moss, not a clever man, used his dashboard camera to film the encounter and was convinced to send the tape to Cummings as a gift. In turn, Cummings posted it on her suddenly more popular website. Moss now faces a ten charge indictment, and we get some insight into the dynamism and ingenuity of this generation of porn star.

Obviously, somewhere in here is a lesson for Paris and Lindsay. Who knows, maybe for Kiefer and T.I. too.