Thursday, November 08, 2007

Paris hitches her wagon to the drunk elephants

Part of the fun of Paris Hilton is that everyone gets to make fun of her. So we all laughed it up when she claimed -- during her little image rehabilitation tour after her ridiculous prison sentence -- that she was now going to be some sort of advocate for prisoners and young women in crisis.

While there has yet to be evidence that she has been fighting for her sisters behind bars, that doesn't mean the new Paris hasn't been making a real effort to improve the world. One elephant at a time.

You see in Northeast India the elephants have become addicted to the rice-beer the locals brew outdoors. It's a problem because drunk elephants tend to go berserk and attack power lines or trample villagers. You probably didn't know this but Paris did, and, responding to the latest incident of a drunk elephant's deadly dance with an electric pole, Paris alerted the international media:

There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away, the heiress explained. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.

If anyone doubts Paris's seriousness about the cause, notice she was able to recite the names of two states in India. Try asking her to name two states in America. Or the last two guys she had sex with.

Look, I have nothing against getting domestic animals drunk. In fact I've highly recommend it before. But wild animals who haven't been bred not to step on people -- that's a completely different story.

I just hope Paris's commitment extends beyond getting the villagers to better hide their hooch. Weaning the elephants through the cravings and shakes of their malnourished alcoholism should also be part of any responsible large mammal detoxification.

For once the elephants of India are rehabilitated, the rehabilitation of Paris Hilton's image can really begin.

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