Friday, November 09, 2007

Week ten picks

In week nine I was a disastrous 4-10, bringing my overall record to 60-57-13. Listen, I would like to be able to say that last week was a fluke and I'll right the ship this week. But that would be a lie, because I suspect things will get even worse before they get better -- if they ever get better. Here are the picks anyway:

Atlanta at CAROLINA (-3) Through the miracle of hair restoration surgery, 44 year old Panther QB Vinny Testerverde looks younger today than he did when Penn State exposed him as a color-blind fraud in the 1986 Fiesta Bowl.

MINNESOTA at Green Bay (-6) Rookie sensation Adrian Peterson has been described as an "upright runner." I can already hear the ACL snap.

St. Louis at NEW ORLEANS (-12) With New England idle, the surging Saints will have to pick up the slack on the running up the score front.

PHILADELPHIA at Washington (-3) I have to pick the Eagles. When asked to explain, I'm going follow the lead of Andy Reid and genially offer up a "no comment."

Denver at KANSAS CITY (-3) Did you know Denver receives more annual hours of sunshine than San Diego or Miami Beach? That probably explains Bronco coach Mike Shanahan's deep mahogany permatan. That and he obviously isn't spending any time in the film room scouting the other teams.

JACKSONVILLE at Tennessee (-4) Vince Young has a higher completion percentage than he does a QB rating. I'm neither a mathematician nor a physicist, but I'm pretty sure if this keeps up we are going to have a black hole situation on our hands.

BUFFALO at Miami (+3) This game will be watched primarily by those with lower body injuries who have lost their remote control.

Cleveland at PITTSBURGH (-10) Cleveland proves that with an easy enough schedule you too could be a 5-3 NFL team. (Yeah, I'm going to keep using that one until reality catches up.)

Cincinnati at BALTIMORE (-4) After Pittsburgh shredded Baltimore's vaunted defense in front of a national television audience, Ray Lewis was perfectly composed in the post-game interview. To me that makes him the ideal guy to bring along when you are off to viciously murder someone.

Chicago at OAKLAND (+4) In this clip, Mad Money madman Jim Cramer calls New York State DA Andrew Cuomo a communist. You have to wade through about three minutes of histrionics before getting to the charge, but I think it is worth it. These days it's always fascist this or Nazi that and I'm sick of it. Some old school red baiting might just be what we need to shake our national malaise.

DETROIT at Arizona (+1) There is probably a joke somewhere about the Lions success and how it might encourage other struggling teams to only draft wide receivers, but this isn't the week I'm going to make it.

Dallas at GIANTS (+2.5) So far Tony Romo is doing a good job of balancing his play on Sunday with his Britney Spears/Sophia Bush/Carrie Underwood/Carmen Electra encountering ways during the rest of the week. But one day Romo will have to make a choice. The way I see it, with Brady and Manning and the resurgence of Roethlisberger and Brees, the NFL has plenty of quality QBs. But does America have enough quality escorts for our tabloid princesses? I think not, when I consider that I'm always reading about Federline and the Fez dude from That 70's Show and various semi-retarded Southern European shipping scions. Basically the tabloids need Romo more than the NFL does, and if he is a good citizen that's the direction he'll go.

INDIANAPOLIS at San Diego (+4) This would have been a much better game if San Diego didn't decide to stink this year.

San Francisco at SEATTLE (-10) The 49ers will try to recapture their late twentieth century glory when they face off against a team that once played in the Super Bowl!


Garrett said...

is St. Louis playing a doubleheader this weekend?

JT said...

Good call on the double St. Louis. Being as old as I am, when I see the Cardinals, I think St. Louis. I corrected the second one to Arizona. I suspect I've done this before.