Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Idle threat of the week

With his winsome mix of kitsch and karate kicks Chuck Norris has provided a boost to a Mike Huckebee presidential run otherwise fueled by Jesus and squirrel meat. Unlike some other celebrity endorsers (meaning the rest) Norris has been a net positive for his candidate by using his mouth only for the display of his pearly white teeth.

But Norris departed from his successful strategy of big smiles and handshakes Sunday, and assumed the attack dog role that, on the Democratic side of this primary campaign, has been reserved for candidate's spouses.

If nothing else Norris aimed high, going after John McCain when the other political players have been reluctant to openly criticize the war-hero and long-time Senator this primary season.

On Sunday Huckebee accused McCain of being too old to hold the presidency, a charge that has been whispered ever since the 71-year old announced his intention to run. In fact, also over the weekend, controversial new New York Times columnist Bill Kristol referred to McCain as "unmodern" and "neovictorian" in a column allegedly listing the Arizona Senator's virtues.

But is Norris the right guy to make the over-the-hill argument? A quick spin around the Internet reveals Norris is soon to turn 68, yet maintains the ability to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks such as sneezing with his eyes open and killing two stones with one bird.

If, at 71, McCain still posses even a tiny percentage of Norris's skills at 67, a McCain presidency would be so successful that former Commander in Chiefs Washington, Lincoln and Roosevelt would be forced to come back to life so they could bow down in proper resepect to McCain's presidential superiority.

Chuck Norris may be able to speak braille but, when it comes to his ability to articulate an effective political take-down, the man who can divide by zero only ends up with the Idle Threat of the Week for January 14th to 20th.

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