China paves path for US economic independence

Earlier this month CNN personality Jack Cafferty said something on air along the lines of all the Chinese imports are junk, and then added that the Chinese government are "basically the same bunch of goons and thugs they've been for the last 50 years." Seeing this as a welcome distraction from all the Tibet criticism they've been dealing with lately, the Chinese seized upon these slights and turned the outrage level up to that of a gender studies professor.

First China demanded an apology from CNN, which they got. Now China has launched a lawsuit against Cafferty and CNN, asking for a dollar for every Chinese citizens, or 1.3 billion dollars.

Outrageous no? But it actually wouldn't be so bad for America if we lose this one. First of all, we could pay the settlement off by simply dumping more worthless paper on China. (This time we'll call it "not-quite prime," they won't know the better.)

And the precedent. Wow, the precedent. Now we could sue other countries every time their media said anything bad about us. Screw the rising unemployment rate, America would never have to work again. Sure we'd probably have to appoint George Bush king for life if we really wanted to bring in the big bucks, but that's a small price to pay for no more credit card debt and Caribbean time shares for everyone!

We would have to watch out for Canada though. It's possible Mountie jokes are more hurtful than we realize.