Monday, May 12, 2008

Idle threat of the Week

If computers controlled the world Ron Paul would be our leader because he controls the computers. And by "controls the computers" I mean his virtual foot soldiers dominate Digg ratings, on-line polls and World of Witchcraft chat rooms through the sheer will of managing to care deeply about such things.

But really, since computers don't control the world, and Ron Paul doesn't control the computers, Ron Paul has very little. In fact just the other day he was forced to reiterate that he was still running for president. A declaration that would have shocked an electorate that actually cared.

Mindful that their leader hasn't been able to wow them in the real space like he has on Myspace, the great man's disciples have decided to take a more brick-and-mortar approach to spreading the Ron Paul revolution. And step one to this radical old strategy will be purchasing 50 acres of land in rural Texas and setting up Paulville, a gated community containing people who "live by the ideals of freedom and liberty."

Alas, this is not an idle threat. History displays a clear pattern of groups decamping to the Texas plains to live life on their own barbed-wire protected terms. (Just don't allow womenfolk or flammables anywhere near them.) We actually like the idea of Paulville, and anxiously await "Thompsontown," where the wi-fi may be dodgy, but everybody gets extended nap time.

But step two of the Paulites' plan -- soon to be plotted from inside the gates of Paulville -- which is to stage a revolt against presumed nominee John McCain at the Republican convention by employing the subversive wiles of Ron Paul's 19 pledged delegates is the Idle Threat of the Week for May 5th to 11th.

This award is subject to review if the Republicans do something crazy like move their convention from Minneapolis to Second Life.

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