Xenu ate Joel Goodson

It's been 25 years since the release of Risky Business, Tom Cruise's first staring role and a pretty darn good movie.

To celebrate, Tom Cruise is throwing himself a party on his new website; a glitzy, easy-to-maneuver ode to all that is Cruise.

But instead of being able to compliment Cruise for having such a cool and useful website -- it is full of goodies such as trailers to all of his many movies -- I can't help but thinking it's all part of an effort to convert me to his wacky moon man religion. And I feel this way even though the site makes no mention of auditing or placenta eating. (Although the background music is culty as a compound in Texas.)

Since I'm pretty sure I'm also going to feel this way about his movies from here going forward, Tom Cruise could be in real trouble, if others feel the same way.