Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Hill + Lilo + Iraq = spring break

As she navigates the murky sea of celebrity, Lindsay Lohan has a tendency to hitch her craft to older women who have already been back and forth a few times.

First it was
Kate Moss. Cocaine Kate taught Lindsay how to cause a scene at the local strip club, and which bathrooms were best for their favorite late night inhalant. Her next BFF was Madonna, who introduced Lindsey to the magical mysticism of Kabbalah.

With her social and spirtual life taken care of, Lohan is now free to inject her own opinion into the Hollywood debate over whether she is a talented young actress or a movie wrecking "spoiled child."

That in mind, Lohan has wisely
proposed to Hillary Clinton a trip to Iraq together. This will give the headline grabbers time to bond and allow Lindsey to learn from Hillary the art of triangulation.

Hillary has been going through a transformation of her own. No longer a wonkish shrew in sensible shoes, the junior senator from New York has taken to engaging in all-night
vodka drinking contests with former hard-partying fly-boy John McCain.

Whether this change in behavior is a result of husband Bill's continued "friendship" with a blonde-haired
Canadian heiress/politician, or just how Hillary's been dealing with will-she-or-won't-she anxiety, there is no doubt Hillary is a woman ripe for getting her groove back.

What better way than a trip with Lilo to sunny Iraq? Sure there is the outside chance of losing a foot or an eye, but the two New York luminaries will also be surrounded by hoards of adoring soldiers, who typically see nothing but sand and veiled women.

The questions is, after she is done with Hillary, where will Lohan turn next?

It's too bad Mother Theresa is no longer available.

7 comments:

Katie T said...

I vote Condie Rice as her new BFF!!

JT said...

Brokering peace in the Middle East is a lot like dodging paparazzi in that both activities are sure to end in frustration and futility. So they would have a lot to talk about.

jdmain said...

You're obsessed with Lilo! More Entourage is needed on this blog.

JT said...

Entourage is a half an hour a week. The Lindsey Lohan show runs at least 20 hours a day 7 days a week. If you aren't obsessed with Lohan, you aren't trying hard enough

jdmain said...

Yeah, the Lohan train never makes it to the station. But, last weeks Entourage was pretty awesome. I even wanted to punch Seth Green, and then runaway.

jdmain said...

We should also send over big Mo Clarett. He seems armed and ready to roll!

JT said...

Did you see that quote from the guy who is recruiting Clarett to play for his semi-pro team. When they asked him if Clarett was still welcome he said something along the lines of I'm not worried about it, I've seen a lotworse.

Now that's the guy we should send to Iraq.