50th post

So far so good. I set out to write about politics, world affairs, media, pop culture, music and sports. Aside from being a little heavy on the politics and a little light on the sports I think I've accomplished this. But I do have one enormous regret:

I've completely ignored Lindsay Lohan.

I know, I know, they could pull my blogger's card for this.

It's not like I'm doing it purposely. I actually have a shameful amount of pent-up Lohan knowledge (loledge?) -- I just haven't had the proper venue to display it.

I thought I was going to get my chance last week when Al Gore hinted at a feud with Lohan on Jay Leno. There was no truth to it -- it was another case of Al Gore's new found comedic touch. Gore has beat the odds and become as funny when he's trying to be as when he's talking about carbon.

Then there were rumors of a video clip where Lohan blasts Gore's climate-mongering. My brain almost exploded and my limbs became spastic. If true, I could retire on it. But it wasn't the slightest bit true. In fact, it was just a cryptic joke about Gore's comments on Leno.

I promise to do my part and find a way to intertwine Lindsay into future posts. She's the first human internet creation* we have and now that I'm involved with the internet I acknowledge I have an obligation to her.

Truth be told, I miss her. At my old job the guy next to me had a Lindsay Lohan screen saver. At first I thought it was a little strange -- for a grown man -- but I've come to appreciate Lindsay's freckled splendiferousness in its absence.

Finding myself busy these days, I no longer have the time to read about Lindsay's latest exploits. I have no idea how big or small her boobs are, how red or black her hair is, how her "multiple trips to the bathroom" habit is going, or even who she's been canoodleing lately.

I can take solace in the fact Lindsay has six movies in production and might not even need me anymore.

Although it just might be that I need her.

* Some might say P*r*s H*lt*n was the first human internet creation. I disagree. She broke pre-internet saturation, in the days of Page Six/National Enquirer dominance, and on the strength of her famous name. Lohan seemingly appeared out of nowhere (or Long Island.) Plus, if you even type P*r*s's name you could get gonorrhea. Why risk it?