Monday, September 11, 2006

Idle threat of the week

It is a statistically proven fact that the last few weeks of August represent the annual ebb in idle threat activity throughout the Northern Hemisphere. With that in mind, I gave the panel of judges who select the Idle Threat of the Week some time off. They have returned tanned and rested and, in one of the more unorthodox decisions in the storied history of the award, have chosen Brad Pitt for Idle Threat of the Week.

What makes the selection so unusual was Mr. Smith's winning threat not to tie the knot with girlfriend Angelina Jolie
until "everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," was deemed by the panel to be valid -- in the sense they believe Pitt is well-within his power to keep his word.

Yet, as a clear attempt to influence or frame the gay marriage debate in this nation, our judges ruled his threat is so misguided that it needed to be recognized in this forum.

By withholding nuptials, isn't Pitt really just punishing US Weekly, the potentate of the third-world nation that would have been selected to host the Brangelina wedding and his famous live-in girlfriend?

Fine institutions all, but none of them have the slightest sway over American domestic policy.

If confronted with this, Pitt would surely try to explain his threat as a way to "support the gay community," or "start a grassroots movement," but we think it is far more likely that America's leading bachelor has stumbled upon the all-time sleaziest excuse for having no intention of making the mother of his child an honest women.

Although it did net Brad Pitt Idle Threat of The Week for September 4-10.

1 comment:

Doug said...

Hey Jeremy, great blog. Funny too. Good punctuation. Keep up the good work.