Friday, September 08, 2006

Rule of three strikes Farmington's foremost citizen

Early yesterday morning, burger-loving Paris Hilton was picked up for DUI.

Then, later in the afternoon, an already shaken world got news a tearful Lindsay Lohan had been the victim of a
major robbery at Heathrow Airport. Lindsay claimed the thieves made off with a Hermes handbag containing jewels and "medication" worth upwards of one million dollars.

Lohan's stolen bag was recovered soon after the news of the theft hit the wires -- although some of the bag's contents remain missing. Meaning the perpetrators and their noses are going to be hitting London like they own it tonight.

These two tragedies automatically triggered the notorious rule of three. Most famous for its spooky domain over celebrity deaths, but applicable in all situations involving bad luck and the rich and fabulous.

Throughout the morning the jsb offices were rife in anticipation of who would be the next celebutante to fall, probably around 2 PM today. The smart money was on Britney Spears and "baby dangling" or Jessica Simpson and "some sort of horrifying body part incident."

Imagine our surprise when, about an hour ago, bullet-scarred self-proclaimed "gansta" 50 Cent revealed himself as girl three.

In front a crowd of Hell's Kitchen on-lookers 50 was pulled from his silver Lamborghini by six of New York's finest in plain-clothes and taken to the pokey. Early web speculation centers around
drug possession.

50's cosmically approved association with Paris and Lindsay shouldn't come as that much of a shock. The man clearly spends as much time preening as the two tabloid queens, and has been residing on the mild streets of suburban Connecticut ever since most of us met him.

And, although hip-hop is not my expertise, I do detect 50 comes from the style-over-substance school.

So there you have it: Paris, Lindsay and 50, forever linked.

Somewhere -- wherever disgraced rappers go after they hock their gold chains and do a duet with Christina Aguilera -- Ja Rule is

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