Monday, September 18, 2006

Like those three Arabian race horses

Former All-Star and perennial baby-maker Shawn Kemp will try to claim the Chicago Bulls' final roster spot this fall. Kemp hasn't played a game in the NBA since 2003.

When he was drafted by the Seattle Supersonics in 1989 Kemp ushered in the era -- recently
kiboshed -- of top prep stars skipping college on their way to the Association. With Gary Payton tossing him alley-oops and Detlef Schrempf and Hersey Hawkins running the wings, Kemp's Sonic teams of the mid-nineties were among the finest in NBA history not to win a title.

Kemp's skills diminished precipitously in 2000 when he contradicted everything we know about the central nervous system and gained massive amounts of weight during the throes of cocaine addiction.

Since Kemp has always been linked to youth and accelerated achievement, I was surprised to learn Shawn Kemp will be 37 this year. Meaning even if he has slimmed down and cleaned up it is unlikely he will be much of a factor for the Bulls.

But his advanced age does serve as a reminder that we are getting closer to the day when Kemp's illegitimate children find each other, band together, and form the dunkiest basketball team ever assembled.

Team Kemp will barnstorm the nation in a van with colorful racing stripes and take on all comers. When they aren't throwing down vicious tomahawks or ripping towering rebounds back towards earth they will tip-toe up and down the court with child-like detachment.

Short of running into Michael Jordan or
Robert Pack, they will win.

Most importantly, they will also emulate their pops and become heavily involved in the baby-making game. Leading to the day, in about 2250, when all NBA players will be able to trace their lineage back to the original Reign Man.


Anonymous said...

Do you think Kemp felt the need to spread his seed to quash any speculation about his orientation caused by his bouncing stride, facial expression and wrist angle during the backpedaling process?

Anonymous said...

WBBM (780 AM) reported that Kemp was a no-show for his workout with the Bulls today. Something about having to go to Indiana to visit a sick relative.

JT said...

Kemp could use that excuse everyday -- and he wouldn't be lying.