Monday, September 18, 2006

Idle threat of the week

Last week things got weird and we recognized a threat not for dearth of viability but deficit of sincerity. It felt good at the time. Now it feels sloppy and rash. Sheepishness ruled the day as our panel of judges met to choose this week's winner --we all agreed it was time to go big and idle or not at all.

Luckily the perfect candidate emerged as Celebrity has threatened to ditch Paris Hilton.

It started innocently enough. A solitary non-celebrity police officer in Los Angeles refused to give Paris preferential treatment after pulling her over on suspicion of DWI. That opened the floodgates and, upon returning to the East Coast, Paris was
denied admission to exclusive clubs and parties all over New York City. Eyewitnesses report seeing Paris crying in the street as anonymous I-bankers and Eurotrash passed through the ropes that once caressed her with their velvet embrace.

"But I'm Paris Hilton," she was overheard telling the wind.

Well, dry your eyes, because you are Paris Hilton and since nobody can explain why you are famous in the first place nobody can take that undefinable fame away from you.

It's like how you can't kill someone who is already dead.

Actually, a lot of our judges aren't sure if that analogy makes any sense. And the ones who do are just saying so because thinking about analogies makes their head hurt.

There is something all of our judges can agree upon without question: By laughably attempting to expel Paris Hilton from its hollowed ranks, Celebrity wins the Idle Threat of the Week for September 11-17.

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