Life as a Bolivian

Mike Tyson: Mentally retarded or a sly, flawed genius? Nobody has a clue.

Ever wonder what exactly Tyson does during the six months between his biannual rounds of ridiculous statements? I imagine it involves trannies, a potent street drug I've never heard of and early morning sightings at IHOPs throughout the rural Midwest.

We might never know for sure, but yesterday Mike Tyson did emerge from wherever he goes and added a political endorsement to his usual array of inflammatory statements, bizarre ideas and absurd notions.

The endorsement went to his ex-brother-in-law and Republican candidate for Senate from Maryland Michael Steele. Most people don't associate Tyson with the state of Maryland but he once spent nine months in prison there. Meaning Michael Steele now has the official blessing of the state's most famous former prisoner -- which is nice.

Focusing on his career Tyson declared, at his advanced age, it was time to start fighting women. He even called out a particular girl fighter, Ann Wolfe, who he referred to as a "prominent, dominant woman in the boxing field."

Please don't think Tyson only wants to inflict pain on the fairer sex. He is also prepared work as a stud in Heidi Fleiss's proposed all-male Nevada bordello and would look forward to pleasing "every woman no matter how old, how young, how fat, how pretty or how ugly."

He might find himself in the pleasure business because Ann Wolfe's promoter has said "such a bout will never happen." Citing the weight difference, among other things.

Although if he's worth his promoter salt he's just saying no say so he can raise his client's purse to the millions Robin Givens got for letting Iron Mike beat her up many moons ago.