JSB tries its hand at copywriting

A new poll suggests 42 percent of Americans are uncertain God exists. That number is up from 34 percent three years ago. I have always hypothesized Americans link the existence of God to lower gasoline prices. This finally proves it.

When I got over the thrill of yet another petroleum-based (non football-related) prognostication gone my way, I realized this decline in strength of belief is a net-positive for all of us.

There is nothing wrong with believing in God, but only those who have actually laid eyes upon the man* -- or at least had two-sided conversation with him -- can possibly do so with certainty.

There is a word for people lucky enough to see, or share an audible dialogue with God. And that word is "looney."

America: Now only 58 percent looney.

Or,

America: Now 8 percent less looney.

* One percent of Americans think God is a woman. That number is probably rounded up.