JSB is the first name in car security

Every year Americans spend billions of dollars on car security systems. Yet millions of automobiles are still stolen, stolen from and vandalized.

Here at jsb we have pioneered a three-step system for car security that will protect your automobile in these dangerous times:

Step one Have an earlier model, non-luxury vehicle. With today's generous finance plans anyone can have a "fancy" car. That BMW 3 Series is impressing no one -- besides the potential thief.

Step two Don't lock your doors. Thieves love breaking windows. Breaking a window is fun, and an experienced thief can do so without making much noise. Yet the thief is always on the look out for the thrill of the open door, and will usually test the door handle before going to the blunt object.

Step three The interior of your car should contain nothing but factory installed equipment and trash. Fast food wrappers, empty soda cans and crumpled up Mapquest printouts usually do the trick. Audio cassettes go a long way towards repelling younger thieves.

If you doubt this three-step plan's effectiveness, consider what happened in the parking lot of my apartment last night. Many car windows were broken and stereos, jackets, sunglasses and mp3 players stolen.

Yet my car was left alone. Actually that isn't true. I'm pretty sure thieves did enter my unlocked 98 Saturn, because the month-old half-eaten bag of potato chips that had been sitting on my dashboard is now strewn across the broken-glass filled interior of the late model Lexus that had parked next to me.

Not only is this exciting new security technique free, but it allows you to indulge your slothful impulse of not cleaning out your car. And you'll never have to worry about locking your keys in your car again.

If you really want to go all out, and get the added bonus of eliminating those frantic, home wrecking, searches for your car keys, you can stow the keys in the car under a pile of used tissues. That's a place even the most desperate thief won't search.