Friday, December 15, 2006

That's not supposed to go there

During the Mark Foley scandal I recommended the only way out for Dennis Hastert was to claim that, because he was a high school wrestling coach, he was uniquely unqualified to gauge Mark Foley's threat to male, underage pages. Reason being, after years of directing teenage boys into what the non-wrestling world would refer to as "sexual positions," Hastert had developed the appropriate level of homo-obliviousness.

Sometimes, during conversations with my friends and acquaints who wrestled in high school, I mention how gay their childhood sport comes off as. Wrestlers seem to be sensitive to this charge and will usually threaten to beat me up if I keep badgering them about it.

Since ex-wrestlers are skilled in at least one type of physical combat, and I am skilled in none, I believe they probably could beat me up -- or worse. So I shut up.

Speaking of the "or worse," this spectacular
lede from an article about a South Dakota high school state champion wrestler facing 400 years in prison neatly sums up wrestling's dangerously thin line between sport and public fornication:

Some are calling it rape; others are calling it a legal wrestling move.

The wrestler in question apparently used this move, which prosecutors say "accomplished an act of sexual penetration," in matches, practice and, oddly, during team bus rides.

It's up to a jury to decide this young innovator's fate but, as far I am concerned, the verdict on wrestling is in.

Albeit too late to do Hastert any good.

Bonus video: Bruno, Sacha Cohen's gay Austrian journalist alter-ego, fools spring breaking high school wrestlers.

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