Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Up next: Tax euphemisms

In my last post I resisted the urge to pile on the euphemisms for death. As a result of this forced restraint, I've had euphemisms on my mind all afternoon. Lo-and-behold, I noticed Slate recently ran a reader forum for favorite sex euphemisms.

The results were disappointing. The only one that struck me as remotely clever was "waxing the giraffe," and that sounds more like a less partner-dependent activity. So, short of wanting to hear a couple NPR-voices bashfully fake-laugh their way through a list of staid sex euphemisms, I can't recommend listening to the podcast wrap-up.

But, when I thought about it, clever universal sex euphemisms don't come that easily. Sure there's "hiding the salami" and "buttering the muffin" -- but who really talks like that?

In fact, most actually-spoken sex euphemisms are highly situational. For example, "going to Aunt Betty's house" would be a completely implication-less trip to the home of an aunt named Betty for most, but it could -- for a variety of reasons -- become a sex euphemism for a few.

This is all so I can share my favorite situational sex euphemism.

It applies to racket sports and comes from the movie
Kicking and Screaming (the older, non-Will Ferrell one.) During a conversation over a pitcher of beer one of the movie's characters, in speaking of a tennis-playing object of affection, expresses his desire to "ace her deuce."

To which, his slower-witted friend responds, "I'd sure like to fuck her on the tennis court, if you get my meaning."

Which proves, once and for all, that unlike most other forms of expression, it is often the worst euphemisms that paint the clearest picture.


Airsoft Man said...
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JT said...
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JT said...

Because so many have asked, the last comment wasn't deleted because it was a particularly dirty sex euphemism. I deleted it because it was spam for a blog that advertised high interst loans.

If you need a high interest loan I can probably help you. As long as the loan is for less than 100 dollars and you live close to my apartment.